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Entertainment Faking Manipal

In a soaping Discovery, President Trump Discovers COVID-19 Cure!

Donald Trump literally shocks the entire world [No, not in a debate, C’mon]. According to sources, President of the United States (POTUS )and First Lady of the United States (FLOTUS) were recently tested positive for the novel COVID-19. Fortunately for all of us, the prayers worked and they really did a speedy recovery as they are both are now out of danger, safe and sound all thanks to the cure to the virus made up by our man Trump himself!
  How did POTUS make such an effective cure? Well unlike most of us, he decided to do something productive with the time he had during the quarantine. Apparently, all this while he has been experimenting with household items to find the cure (or at least, that’s what he claims). He really does believe in ‘Charity begins from home.’ He urged the public to not fear the Corona Virus, claiming it to be a hoax while making fun of his opponent in the presidential run, Joe Biden from the beginning for wearing a mask. Who knew he was working his master mind all this while?
 In a recent interview he was asked of how he managed to come up with such an effective cure single handed while teams of intellectual scientists couldn’t really do much as of now. Giving one of his famous smirk, the orange replied, “I started working by watching stand up comedies every night with his daughter Ivanka and wife Melania. Because you know, Laughter is the best medicine. Yeah, no, it didn’t work. The comedians really don’t just do it for me.”
Then he added, “I thought about Dawn, you know, while doing dishes. I experimented with it on Melanie. Had her sip a glass of Dawn with 2 spoons of water every two hours. Supposedly helps in cleaning the insides. It helps me a lot as well. After the 12 cans of Coke I have everyday, I really need it and it has helped me so far. And you know what, it is not a product from China!”
  In an Instagram live video, FLOTUS and POTUS spoke about how effective his little experiment turned out to be. “He is right you know, you don’t really need a mask. Go to your nearest stores, get yourself Dawn! With two spoons of water and a little faith you’re good as new.”
     After the live video, and the huge success of the Dawn cure, there is reportedly a huge demand for Dawn in states like Chicago, New York, California, New Jersey, Virginia, Texas and Pennsylvania. People have already started stocking up bottles of Dawn like they did with toilet papers at the start of lockdown.
    POTUS, being the dedicated President he is, will be back to work tomorrow according to the inside sources.
    In order to appreciate the efforts of POTUS, it is announced that there will be an applause ceremony where in people from all over the world would come out to the open grounds and clap without fear, for now, we have the cure! At least we’re free from Zoom calls. We can call this the “Dawn” of the Post COVID world!
P.S.: All the facts in this article are made up. But you already knew that. Didn’t you?

About the Author: The Author and Designer are first year students from from Manipal who can finally visit the campus for the first time soon, thanks to Trump’s cure. That’s all you need to know!

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Faking Manipal

Manipalites shocked on seeing their favourite Momo Stalls replaced with Vada Pav sellers.

As a massive shock to the Manipal students returning to campus after a long lockdown which resulted in around only 17,000 new cases per day due to it’s successful implementation, all the Momo stalls in Manipal has been replaced with Vada Pav stalls. The students, most of whom came back to Manipal early on just because their parents at home were not allowing them to have any kind of street food as it is considered to be unsafe in the wake of COVID-19 are seemingly devastated.

 The move was taken up by local authorities to promote AtmaNirbharBharat after the Nepal border dispute started which had claimed the life of a civilian in Nepal-India border at Bihar, adding to the tensions between India and China. Upon being asked what is being done by the authorities about Boycotting China, the spokesperson showed us pictures of The Laughing Buddha being almost empty due to the low amount of students in the town on his brand new Redmi Note 9 Pro and stated that is enough damage for the Chinese.

The North-East Indian Vada Pav sellers refused to comment on this event but offered to sell us momos at a premium through their contact at the infamous “Sutta Point” inside the Manipal campus while the spokesperson and his cronies were busy stuffing their faces with Vada pav with extra green chutney.

Manipal No Mo

Sid, a 3rd year student of MIT who was tired of being sober at his home after his girlfriend dumped him through WhatsApp texts during lockdown 1.0 was available for comments since he returned to his Manipal flat months before his college is speculated to open. Upon being asked about his stance on the removal of this widely popular food item throughout Manipal, he replied “Hari Patte Aankhe Laal, Manipal Manipal” before disappearing at Sutta Point.

P.S.: All the facts in this article are made up. But you already knew that. Didn’t you?

About the Author: The author hails from the land of Maa, Maati, and Maanush. That’ll do for now ;P

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Faking Manipal

MIT Student Couriered to Bangalore after found wearing Postal Stamp

In a first of its kind happening, a student of Manipal Institute of Technology, Manipal, was mailed to his hometown Bangalore by some of his friends via Speed post.

The Batch of 18 student was pleasantly surprised when he woke up and found himself at home, having slept through the entire journey.

The name of the student is withheld to assure some privacy is given to an already traumatised batch fo students, who will have to live with a postage stamp as a memory of their days at Manipal.

The trauma resulted following a design disaster, in which the batch T-shirt was made to look like a postage stamp without the name of the Institute. To make matters worse, the design has a picture of the lighthouse at Kaup which gives the appearance of someone showing the finger (as can be seen in the image below) to the entire batch!

Despite condemnation from all quarters, there were quite a few who supported the design of the T-shirt. One of them had this to say – “People have a lot of frustration in life of all kinds. Few will have anything valid to put forward except the same point of the connect again and again. And this looks a lot prettier than chappals and Yumit.”

There were quite a few enterprising entrepreneurs and opportunists who jumped in and offered to get new designs and hoodies for the batch.

PS:  We hope you do realise that this is a Satire site providing fake news.

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MIT Manipal News The Manipal Experience

MIT Manipal Discovers their “He Who Must Not Be Named”

We all have our Voldemort. We all have our “she/he who shall not be named” — the ex whose name tastes so sour on our tongues we can’t even bring ourselves to say it, despite the years it has been since the breakup.

In the late hours of November 3rd, 2017, MIT Manipal students discovered theirs. “There is no good and evil, there is only power… and those too weak to seek it.”

This individual apparently has been hitting fully grown muggles during and after his class hours for ages now. One brave muggle by the name of Shipro Sutta (Real name can be found at the link below), raised the alarm late last night in the public forum for all things MIT or not. 

A gentle reminder to a professor that under no circumstances can he raise his hand on students. Regardless of what he/she might have done. Thank you.

Allegedly, He Who Must not be named has his favorite spell set to “I’ll kick you like a football”.

As another muggle student pointed out, that this individual ironically is the “Auxilary Governor for Apprentice Welfare” at MIT, Manipal.  He who must not be named, appears in pictures of events that take place, often sharing space with Albus Dumbledore of MIT, Manipal.

The post has received critical acclaim from 310 apprentices so far and is likely to create some friction in the group as “He who must not be named” visits the forum on a daily basis.

PS: This news is based on a true story. You can follow the story here.

Update: Within 15 minutes of posting this article, we’ve received an owl from Albus Dumbledore himself that He Who Must not be named has been exiled from his role and will be replaced by a new “Auxilary Governor for Apprentice Welfare”.

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MIT Manipal News The Manipal Experience

Thunderstorm destroys MIT Building Facade

Heavy lightning and thunderstorms over the last weekend in Manipal and Udupi have damaged a few residences in Brahmavar and Manipal. In Brahmavar, a tree got uprooted and fell on the rooftops damaging houses. However, there were no injuries.

In Manipal, a house belonging to Koraga Naika, in Vijayanagara Colony, Kodi was damaged after a coconut tree got uprooted and fell on the roof. A five-year-old child suffered minor injuries in the incident.

MIT Manipal Renovated
The building was simply standing in the way of the thunderstorm. This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object.

However, the most severe damage occurred to the more than 50 year old front facade of Manipal Institute of Technology building, which saw a lightning strike destroying its look. The building now resembles something straight out of an end-of-the-world-apocalyptic movie.

According to a reliable source, the incident occurred, when the building was just resigning itself to the students finishing their end semester exams and returning to their homes to seek for shelter from the severe heat wave that Manipal was suffering from.

Manipal Thor Hammer
Thor’s hammer captured in its act by Kshitij Bodhankar

However, on Saturday night, it was completely caught unawares as a thunderstorm initiated by the self-styled god “Thor” completely wreaked havoc across Manipal. His thunderbolt was captured by several of the students who were preparing to leave the most beautiful hostels in India.

Some of the people who spoke to our reporter on the issue expressed the feeling that the building was positioned directly on the route of the thunderstorm during the time of the incident.Ashfaq said “This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object.

“It was just like a war zone, you couldn’t believe it,” said Sravan Chenji, who lives in the End-point neighborhood.

A description so vivid, with toppled trees and crushed carports serving as a harsh reminder leaving many in awe.

“We were shook when daylight hit, to see the devastation. It’s just unreal,” said Kamal Subuddhi, who is a resident of the MIT Hostels

A mangled mess once served as an imposing facade of the MIT name, virtually unrecognizable now all thanks what folks here are deeming the storm with a distinct sound.

Speaking to Faking ManipalBlog, the keeper of the building, Rammanna said that the incident had worsened the already bad situation of the institute and regretted that if nothing was done expeditiously to address it; the school would be depreciating in infrastructures necessary for the teaching and learning.

PS: MIT Manipal is going in for an overhaul of its infrastructure.  The building is now being renovated and it is still a work in progress. The photo in this article was taken much before the lightning strikes. It is also true that unicorn is the national animal of India. The above article is  just a joke.  It’s up to you what you choose to believe. 

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MIT Manipal News The Manipal Experience

MIT Makes 25% attendance at DeeTee compulsory for writing University exams!

In a surprising development, the MIT has issued a notice saying that 25% attendance at DeeTee is a must to be eligible to appear for the University examinations for all undergraduate and post-graduate students currently enrolled on the rolls of the institute.

The notice reads as follows:

Any student who will reach prior to May 1 of the current year, 25% attendance at DeeTee shall meet the requirements of mandatory attendance required to be eligible for the University examinations. Any such student may continue to attend the academic program on a regular basis, unless a written request to drop the student from the institute rolls is made by the parent, guardian or other person having charge, control of the student.

Any student of mandatory attendance age must by the rules of the institute regularly attend DeeTee whether publicly  or privately or socially, or a combination of such ways not less than 25% of the entire term of the institute which the student attends.  This does not apply to a student who has already obtained a diploma or received a General Equivalency Diploma, completed the DeeTee program of instruction.

Excusal from the “25% DeeTee Attendance” requirement can be granted by the superintendent for a student who gives a written affidavit stating that he will Fake his exploits at DeeTee  everyday to drive the business of the institute.

A few students have already complained that the rules are unfair for those students who have been maintaining a 75% attendance all these days. They’ve started an online petition stating that  the rules need to be changed as follows- “25% attendance should be made mandatory for all UnderGraduate students  at DeeTee for each semester, failing which can lead to being barred from End Semesters.”

An MIT graduate was in concordance with the students who have petitioned for a revision in the rules. This is what Gokul Nupta, a mechanical engineering alumnus had to say –

I believe a 75% mandatory attendance, with 5 surprise tests comprising of taking 4 shots each time and sessionals in which you have to by heart the price of each item on the menu, would be the right way to go.

Not to forget the end semesters where you have to write a thesis on flirting, should be ideal.

PS: DeeTee is the most famous club of Manipal.  It is also true that unicorn is the national animal of India. The above article is  just a joke.  It’s up to you what you choose. 

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Faking Manipal Featured

Students Banned From End Point Manipal after Major Fire

At approximately 6:30 pm  today a major fire broke out at End Point Manipal. Sources tell us that the fire spread from the collector office and was moving towards the cricket ground at the End Point. Various trees and shrubs have been burnt down.

“A dense smoke cloud drew my attention in the afternoon. I ran towards it to see what was happening! I realized that the fire had gone out of control and informed the authorities immediately! Good thing the fire did not break out after 12 in the night otherwise there would have been no students to warn about it!” said Tanmay Bhat, an exceptionally handsome guy who was participating in Tarang 2015, a kite flying festival organised by Volunteer Services Organisation – Manipal University.

Dr. Ravan Changi, a resident of one of the many apartments that have mushroomed around End Point Manipal, sent us photos of the destruction of End Point as it happened. He said, “I was worried, I will not be able to go and study there at 2 am, as I was doing for so many days.” We had to remind him that, it was not possible any way as Students have been banned from going out after 11:30 pm in Manipal.End Point Fire Manipal

The swift action by the authorities is the reason the fire was controlled in time before the entire End Point was engulfed in flames.

“The fire could not have been controlled this effectively without the help of the  Mr DoodhMalai of the Udupi police force”, said a high-ranking MU official who doesn’t want to be named.

Mr Doodhmalai, an experienced firefighter himself, said “This was nothing! It was child’s play for me! I have an injection for every disease you see!”

We all thank Mr. Doodhmalai for his blessings on Manipal University! End Point Fire
As a result of this havoc, students have been banned into entering the End Point campus in the coming future. Many students have tried to raise concerns about the ban but the officials have assured them that this step is essential for their own safety.

So what if you can’t enjoy the End Point anymore. You will be safe. And that is what matters at the end of the day.

P.S.: All the facts in this article are made up. But you already knew that, didn’t you?

Co-authored by Dr. Vishaal Bhat.

The pictures above are real. 
The fire was a controlled one to clear away the wild bushes and shrubs that allow 
breeding of insects and cause problems to the local residents.

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Faking Manipal Featured

Manipal Students Celebrate Holi with Festive Fervour

In what can only be the enterprising nature of students at Manipal, we at Manipal Blog have learnt that the festival of Holi was celebrated with great vigour in this University town tonight.

While the rest of the country was busy lighting diyas and bursting crackers, students in this two-square-mile town had nothing to do with it. The Manipal University had decided to do away with the annual fireworks show and celebrate a “Green Diwali”. They even chopped down a couple of trees near the Tiger Circle, to show how serious they were of celebrating a Green Diwali.

Heeding the call of the University, students did not burst a single cracker this year, and instead played Holi. The gods must have been please with the students this year as there was a continuous downpour of happy tears from the skies. There were a lot of selfie moments as well, what with the Thunder and Lightning show that began just as the festivities started.

The downpour continued till late at night and as this article is being typed, the lightning continues to appear in the western skies over this town.

A student of MIT Manipal, got on to twitter to complain that this year the Hostels have been very quiet and this has disturbed him a lot. Every year he was used to loud sounds in the corridors, exploding dustbins and broken windows, however, this year it has been awfully quiet. Being an engineering student this has made him lose faith in humanity.

Meanwhile, shops at Manipal and Udupi which wanted to sell crackers were taken by surprise when more and more students asked them for colors to spray on their friends.

P.S.: All the facts in this article are made up. But you already knew that, didn’t you?

 

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Faking Manipal Featured

D-block MIT Hostels to be named after Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella

MIT Manipal will now have a hostel block named after its stalwart alumnus and CEO of Microsoft, Satya Nadella. D-block, where Nadella stayed during his time in the college, will receive this honor.

The development was released to media by Registrar of Manipal University. “Manipal University is proud of its alumnus Satya Nadella. As a token of gratitude, we decided to name the hostel block where he stayed after him. We take this opportunity to once again wish him all the best in his future endeavors,” he said in a press note.

Anticipating high demand for D-block, MIT management have decided to charge a premium on the hostel fee. If the demand is still high, then they will allot the rooms via auction.

A Glimpse of D-block, MIT Hostels
A Glimpse of D-block, MIT Hostels

Adding ‘Computers-IT’ touch to it, D-block MIT Hostels will now be officially called DNS (D-Nadella-Satya) when referred in short form.

The inmates of D-block MIT Hostels will get free Windows 8.1 OS and 14.3 GB of free storage on Microsoft cloud computing platform Azure. Also they will provided with Xbox console in a common room to play games.

MIT doesn’t have the culture of naming the hostel blocks after people. We are not sure if they made an exception in this case or starting a new trend.

P.S.: All the facts in this article are made up. But you already knew that, didn’t you?

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Faking Manipal Featured

Manchester United Manipal Fans In MIT Allotted Separate Hostel Block

In a controversial move, the management of MIT hostels decided to put up all Manchester United Manipal Fans in a separate block. The announcement regarding this has come out today after a high-level meeting among the officials of the college.

Explaining the reasons for the decision, chief warden of MIT hostels said, “Over the past few years, we have received complaints from students about the unacceptable conduct of Manchester United Manipal Fans in hostels, especially TV rooms. We didn’t take it seriously initially but as the complaints poured in large numbers, we had to take some action. We appointed some spies and based on their report we decided to put up Manchester United Manipal Fans in one single hostel block. This is done in the interest of all the students and it shouldn’t be seen as discrimination.”

Manchester United Building
How the new hostel block at MIT Manipal may end up looking like. The Hostel block is likely to be constructed closer to Agumbe.

However first year Man U fans won’t have to stay in the separate block.

Fans of other football clubs are elated over the move. “Good riddance!! We can watch soccer matches in peace now,” said Lionel Rossi, a student who stays in 14th block. He added, “The freshies this year should consider themselves lucky. We had to put up with these people when Man U were winning.”

Another student Tittier Trogba recollected the horror experiences with a Man U fan. “My roommate who is my best friend otherwise tore the poster of Chelsea in my first year. He’s also responsible for pain in my ear when he once shouted GLORY GLORY MANCHESTER UNITED in sleep. I will miss him but he is better put up in that separate block.”

But Man U fans seem to be quite chilled out with the move. “Thank you MIT for providing the exclusivity factor for us Man U fans. Can’t ask for more,” opined a Man U who is wearing the team jersey. Two other fans also expressed similar opinion.

As per sources, the block will be called GGMU block and it will be painted in red. Efforts are in progress to accommodate KKR fans in the same block as well.

P.S. The facts mentioned in this article are fictitious. But you already know that. Didn’t you?