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Faking Manipal

KMC Mental Asylum Diary Says – I am over You

*DISCLAIMER: This is NOT a ghost story. These are entries from a diary found near KMC Mental Asylum ward. Read at your own risk. The authenticity could not be verified.

4 June: I thought the rain would stop, we should wait at the hotel, I was wrong. So my parents and I took an auto (which drive at insane speeds) and reached for the counseling. Yes, like countless other students we also were awed by the Innovation Centre and the grand design of the NLH. The counseling was a somber and routine work, and so we reached back to the hostel. Yes, I got see a lot of good-looking girls here, but as I was committed, I dare not do anything further… She means a lot to me.

27 July: We had a fight today, not the small ones, but a big one. She wanted me to study in my very own home State; I did not. She said she will never talk to me and find someone else, I thought she was bluffing. And so it came to pass that I left the shores of my city and came to Manipal. Manipal is fun, loads of new people and places, life here is exciting and fast, yet the pain of her anger still lingered at the back of my head.

2 September: I took my first cigarette today, breaking the vow that I would never smoke. Our fights have become much more intense. I could not stand the tension of our quarrels and the pressure of studies. I had to break free, smoking is injurious, hell, I know that but it helps me forget, calms my nerves down.

21 November: Haven’t started studying till now, exams begin in a few days. It’s her I can’t get out of my head. The memories keep coming back. I long for her gentle touch, her sweet scent and her playful laughter. It’s driving me crazy.

23 November: “I do not like you anymore; I have found a new guy.” These words have changed me forever; all my emotions and feelings meant nothing for her. She threw them away like a child disposes an old toy. I don’t want to study any more, I don’t want to be here anymore, I can’t focus I just want to be back home again. I can just keep writing her name a hundred times to fill this diary. I want my life to be filled with her. I can’t tell her how much I miss her, she doesn’t trust me anymore. I have made her as such! I hope to hold her in my arms again, to see her to share my dreams with her and keep talking to her late at night.. If there be a God,… I ask HIM to answer my prayers.. Do I not deserve this much from HIM? … Just give me her back again and those old times… those sweet memories we had. I want to live them again and create more, better ones!!

20 December: I didn’t go back home. I had to give a lot of make-up exams. I started smoking regularly; it soothes me. My parents are very angry at me. I can’t stand it .. It’s too much for me .. I think I will break. I let too many people down. I want to die; I want to leave this wretched place.

25 December: I found someone today, she was standing in front of me at the food court her spoon fell down and I picked it up for her and she said thanks. I felt the same butterflies in my stomach which I hadn’t felt for a long time. She made my mind go blank I couldn’t even respond to her. I saw her again at the Campus Store. She didn’t have enough change so I paid for her. And that’s how we became friends. She told me that her name was “Devyani”.

29 December: I took her out today, I think it is possible to forget one’s past, to let go of the pain, and start afresh. We went to CCD. It was the best time I ever had in Manipal. We share common interests; she laughs at my jokes and plans to become a civil engineer, and to top it all, she looks stunning, what more can a man need? I told my friends about her they told me they had never heard of someone called “Devyani”, I knew they were pulling my leg.

3 January: I didn’t clear any of my exams. So I went out to drink … I let down my parents; brought shame to my family name and didn’t come up to my parents expectation. Drinking seemed a solution. My friends and I were coming back from an auto when I saw her near KC; I waved; my friends asked me who I waved at ; I told them that that was the girl I was falling for. They told me there was no one there. I hit them hard and told them to quit fooling around. They remarked that the alcohol was playing tricks on my mind.

2 February: I went to get her Utility Bill just to surprise her (a weird surprise, I agree). When I reached the accounts section, I told them her name. They said there was no one by that name; I asked them to check again. I went to admission records to check her name but couldn’t find it. I called her mobile number; it said “the number does not exist”. What was this? I couldn’t understand… I couldn’t comprehend …. I started screaming…. What kind of hoax was this … and then I started laughing … very funny someone was pulling a good joke on me…a very good joke…

7 February: The doctors tell me I have something called schizophrenia, all I saw was a lie; they were just lying. I know she existed; they called her a figment of my imagination, something I had conjured up to keep my emotions in check. I just kept shouting. One of my friends told me that I was going crazy, I just took a pen and stabbed him in the face, yeah that was crazy and funny… Now he wouldn’t dare call me crazy.. Or maybe he would get the gag..

3 March: Well they put me in a ward. She came to meet me today, she even brought chocolates … she always knew which chocolates I liked. You might expect me to say that the walls of my prison are closing in on me, I can’t breathe… No…. its fun here living with the goonies; they make me feel sane. And I get to see her every day. I know she exists, she visits me every day. They will treat me with shocks tonight, they don’t get the joke do they.. They can’t see HER they are the ones who need to be treated. The truth won’t be changed by a few volts … She will visit me again tomorrow.

“Madness is the emergency exit. You can just step outside, and close the door on all those dreadful things that happened. You can lock them away… forever. All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy.”