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Faking Manipal The Manipal Experience

MIT student thrown out of MFC

A second year Manipal Institute of Technology student, Swaropaan Deetee was thrown out of Manipal Frizzled Chicken (MFC) on Saturday night after ordering his 20th meal of the evening. Deetee had ordered 10 Chipotle Chicken Burger among others. 

“We generally do not misbehave with our customers but this man was playing with our patience,” said the server. “At first it seemed that he had failed but then it was revealed that he was a topper and was actually celebrating his result,” he added. The Backbenchers’ association applauded MFC’s actions and urged everyone to fight with them in their war against the newly formed Toppers’ association. 

On reaching out to the man himself, Swaroopan Deetee said that he was actually hungry that day and his ferocious appetite had nothing to do with his results. “ I just had oatmeal, yogurt, coffee, orange juice and toast with poached eggs. And then half a sandwich on my way here.” 

His story soon went viral on Social Media with several Instagram influencers posting reels on this issue. The restaurant was forced to issue a statement to tackle this criticism and hence they again invited Swaroopan to come and eat at their restaurant. This time he ate happily but was asked to leave the place again as soon as he had dipped his Chicken Taco into the pineapple juice he was drinking.

“Even if our license is scrapped, we can’t allow someone committing food sin in front of us,” said the manager. Following this incident, The Backbenchers’ association withdrew their support and put Swaroopan Deetee in their black list forever. 

About the author : The Author is a second year student of Manipal. He is a part of the resistance that protested against their parents about going back home when the second wave hit Manipal in March 2021. However the resistance failed and he had to go back. Currently, he is suffering.

 

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Faking Manipal The Manipal Experience

Manipalites go to Shack Point for wrong reasons, disappoints owner

Manipal is known for a lot of things across India. From being located in Sikkim and being equivalent of Massachusetts Institute of Technology to being a liberal haven where shacking for students is very common. Even though some of these so called rumors are true, the owner of “Shack Point” in Manipal has been under a lot of pressure recently.

” I just want to sell burgers and other delicacies peacefully here. But how do I do that with students coming in every other day with someone and asking our cashier for a room? Initially we used to show them our washroom and didn’t think much even when two of them used to go in at the same time. But when they came out and started to complain about room being too small, we got worried. And things just got worse as these people started leaving 1 star reviews for us, telling that rooms aren’t spacious enough and the reception is helpless. This is affecting our business a lot, we have no idea what to do..” said Mr Shetty, the owner

Upon getting a suggestion about starting a small hostel service as well from ManipalBlog Business Development Head, Dhruv, it piqued the interest of Mr Shetty, who blamed himself about not thinking about this before. “This is indeed a brilliant idea. I think even with one spacious room, we can turn this entire thing around!’ he quoted.

It is yet to be seen how receptive students get when Shack point starts living up to it’s name and offers bed and breakfast for its patrons as well. This will certainly help Shack point stay true to its roots while staying true to its name as well”

 

About the Author – The author is with his cat. The guy is so busy with his cat that he didn’t even have time to write his own ‘about the author.’

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Entertainment Faking Manipal

MIT students sign petition for Satya Nadella to go to space following Bezos

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos and his brother Mark flew to space on July 20 in a rocket ship made by the former’s company, Blue Origin. The company’s capsule landed in West Texas at about 8:22 a.m. local time, roughly 10 minutes after it launched on Blue Origin’s New Shepard rocket. The space trip happened 15 days after Bezos resigned from his CEO position. 

 

It is a lifelong dream come true for the Bezos brothers as Jeff added himself and his brother to cart with the fastest delivery option to outer space. Netizens call it a “divorce – dude” road trip. “Chaand pe rehna wala apun”, Ganesh Gaitonde tweeted as he had failed to hide his emotions.  

 

“It is my lifelong dream to view the Earth from outside; it changes you,” said the billionaire as he introduced Mark to the press conference. “I wasn’t even expecting him to say that he was going on the first flight,” says brother Mark Bezos, former advertising executive, volunteer firefighter, and Senior Vice President of New York City-based charity, Robin Hood (the irony… I know). Bezos brothers were supposed to be joined by Christopher Nolan, the director is working on his next film which is supposed to be a love triangle among the protagonist’s past, present and future selves. Much to all the cinephiles’s disbelief, this rumour turned out to be false as pictures of the space tourists’ playing ping pong ball was released.

 

Coming out fresh from the Containment Zone, students of Manipal Institute of Technology (MIT) sign a petition for Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella to go to space. Nadella, an alumnus of MIT had expressed his desire to take his cloud computing to greater heights last year and 62 miles above sea level does not look too bad. The MIT student council has already received 10,000 petitions against Bezos going to space. Twitter has played its part in cancelling only Jeff Bezos and not Amazon. Some say billionaires should not exist on this earth while another school of thought says Bezos should pass the eligibility criterion to enter into the Earth’s atmosphere again. The eligibility criterion being, ”Get a wife.”

 

Some keyboard warriors believe that this can be a career change for both Nadella and Bezos, exploiting poor aliens after completing their job here. While others say that both of them just want to find a way to grow hair. 

 

About the Author: The Author is a second year student of Manipal. He is a part of the resistance that protested against their parents about going back home when the second wave hit Manipal in March 2021. However the resistance failed and he had to go back. Currently, he is suffering.

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Entertainment

Wrong diagnosis by doc almost causes death; Munna Bhai comes to the rescue

A “Class of COVID-19” batch’s doctor’s wrong diagnosis led an influencer, Sakshi, to almost death in a private hospital in Colaba, South Bombay on Tuesday, forcing the patient’s Instagram followers to revert back to Munna Bhai MBBS. 


The unfortunate incident has led to a lot of trolling and protests, especially from the twitterpated netizens who took to Twitter to trend hashtags, with #CBSEFORSAKSHI getting almost 10,000 retweets. The doctor, He Who Must Not be Named, has been booked under IPC 336. Sakshi was admitted to Final Destination Healthcare on Sunday. “She had serious injuries as she was hit by a train. As there had been a chance of organ damage and internal bleeding, we intended to start our treatment as early as possible,” said Dr Prem Manusmare, a senior doctor. “But when she said that it was a suicide attempt, we decided to wait for the cops to interfere,” he added.

The doctor had recently joined the hospital after virtually graduating from her medical college. Reports say that she was on night duty that day, and on seeing a young girl in so much pain, she started treating her. After basic treatment, the doctor deduced that there was internal bleeding but paid no heed as she wrote in her prescription: “Patient shows signs of internal bleeding, but it is not an issue as that is where the blood is supposed to be.” Therefore, the young doctor declared Sakshi to be discharged soon.

 

“I saw that the patient of Room 13 (Sakshi’s room) was crying in pain late that night. As all the senior doctors had left, I decided to call Dr. Kabir Singh,” said a nurse, who wishes to remain unnamed. “But then we decided to request our best doctor (now retired) Munna Bhai MBBS, because of the former’s blood fetish,” added Mr. P. Gupta.

On being asked about the investigation, Anmol Gote (SI) said that it was purely a case of medical negligence and also raised questions about the effectiveness of online classes, especially for medical students. “The doctor used to bunk her online classes a lot and instead spent her time binge-watching web series and movies on various OTT platforms. She admitted to watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine, a famous sitcom, and took Jake Peralta’s joke in which he says, ‘The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That’s where the blood’s supposed to be,’ and used that knowledge in her professional life.

A quick and thorough investigation helped the cops to nab the culprit and bring justice to the victim. Sakshi has also received plenty of support, as many people have planned a candle march by circulating WhatsApp forwards requesting people to keep a black display picture. Not to forget, Twitter has already cancelled Brooklyn Nine-Nine. 

 

P.S.: All the facts in this article are made up. But you already knew that. Didn’t you?

About the Author: The Author is a first year student of Manipal. He is a part of the resistance that protested against their parents about going back home when the second wave hit Manipal in March 2021. However the resistance failed and he will be back home soon.

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Entertainment Faking Manipal

In a soaping Discovery, President Trump Discovers COVID-19 Cure!

Donald Trump literally shocks the entire world [No, not in a debate, C’mon]. According to sources, President of the United States (POTUS )and First Lady of the United States (FLOTUS) were recently tested positive for the novel COVID-19. Fortunately for all of us, the prayers worked and they really did a speedy recovery as they are both are now out of danger, safe and sound all thanks to the cure to the virus made up by our man Trump himself!
  How did POTUS make such an effective cure? Well unlike most of us, he decided to do something productive with the time he had during the quarantine. Apparently, all this while he has been experimenting with household items to find the cure (or at least, that’s what he claims). He really does believe in ‘Charity begins from home.’ He urged the public to not fear the Corona Virus, claiming it to be a hoax while making fun of his opponent in the presidential run, Joe Biden from the beginning for wearing a mask. Who knew he was working his master mind all this while?
 In a recent interview he was asked of how he managed to come up with such an effective cure single handed while teams of intellectual scientists couldn’t really do much as of now. Giving one of his famous smirk, the orange replied, “I started working by watching stand up comedies every night with his daughter Ivanka and wife Melania. Because you know, Laughter is the best medicine. Yeah, no, it didn’t work. The comedians really don’t just do it for me.”
Then he added, “I thought about Dawn, you know, while doing dishes. I experimented with it on Melanie. Had her sip a glass of Dawn with 2 spoons of water every two hours. Supposedly helps in cleaning the insides. It helps me a lot as well. After the 12 cans of Coke I have everyday, I really need it and it has helped me so far. And you know what, it is not a product from China!”
  In an Instagram live video, FLOTUS and POTUS spoke about how effective his little experiment turned out to be. “He is right you know, you don’t really need a mask. Go to your nearest stores, get yourself Dawn! With two spoons of water and a little faith you’re good as new.”
     After the live video, and the huge success of the Dawn cure, there is reportedly a huge demand for Dawn in states like Chicago, New York, California, New Jersey, Virginia, Texas and Pennsylvania. People have already started stocking up bottles of Dawn like they did with toilet papers at the start of lockdown.
    POTUS, being the dedicated President he is, will be back to work tomorrow according to the inside sources.
    In order to appreciate the efforts of POTUS, it is announced that there will be an applause ceremony where in people from all over the world would come out to the open grounds and clap without fear, for now, we have the cure! At least we’re free from Zoom calls. We can call this the “Dawn” of the Post COVID world!
P.S.: All the facts in this article are made up. But you already knew that. Didn’t you?

About the Author: The Author and Designer are first year students from from Manipal who can finally visit the campus for the first time soon, thanks to Trump’s cure. That’s all you need to know!

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Faking Manipal

Manipalites shocked on seeing their favourite Momo Stalls replaced with Vada Pav sellers.

As a massive shock to the Manipal students returning to campus after a long lockdown which resulted in around only 17,000 new cases per day due to it’s successful implementation, all the Momo stalls in Manipal has been replaced with Vada Pav stalls. The students, most of whom came back to Manipal early on just because their parents at home were not allowing them to have any kind of street food as it is considered to be unsafe in the wake of COVID-19 are seemingly devastated.

 The move was taken up by local authorities to promote AtmaNirbharBharat after the Nepal border dispute started which had claimed the life of a civilian in Nepal-India border at Bihar, adding to the tensions between India and China. Upon being asked what is being done by the authorities about Boycotting China, the spokesperson showed us pictures of The Laughing Buddha being almost empty due to the low amount of students in the town on his brand new Redmi Note 9 Pro and stated that is enough damage for the Chinese.

The North-East Indian Vada Pav sellers refused to comment on this event but offered to sell us momos at a premium through their contact at the infamous “Sutta Point” inside the Manipal campus while the spokesperson and his cronies were busy stuffing their faces with Vada pav with extra green chutney.

Manipal No Mo

Sid, a 3rd year student of MIT who was tired of being sober at his home after his girlfriend dumped him through WhatsApp texts during lockdown 1.0 was available for comments since he returned to his Manipal flat months before his college is speculated to open. Upon being asked about his stance on the removal of this widely popular food item throughout Manipal, he replied “Hari Patte Aankhe Laal, Manipal Manipal” before disappearing at Sutta Point.

P.S.: All the facts in this article are made up. But you already knew that. Didn’t you?

About the Author: The author hails from the land of Maa, Maati, and Maanush. That’ll do for now ;P

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Faking Manipal

MIT Student Couriered to Bangalore after found wearing Postal Stamp

In a first of its kind happening, a student of Manipal Institute of Technology, Manipal, was mailed to his hometown Bangalore by some of his friends via Speed post.

The Batch of 18 student was pleasantly surprised when he woke up and found himself at home, having slept through the entire journey.

The name of the student is withheld to assure some privacy is given to an already traumatised batch fo students, who will have to live with a postage stamp as a memory of their days at Manipal.

The trauma resulted following a design disaster, in which the batch T-shirt was made to look like a postage stamp without the name of the Institute. To make matters worse, the design has a picture of the lighthouse at Kaup which gives the appearance of someone showing the finger (as can be seen in the image below) to the entire batch!

Despite condemnation from all quarters, there were quite a few who supported the design of the T-shirt. One of them had this to say – “People have a lot of frustration in life of all kinds. Few will have anything valid to put forward except the same point of the connect again and again. And this looks a lot prettier than chappals and Yumit.”

There were quite a few enterprising entrepreneurs and opportunists who jumped in and offered to get new designs and hoodies for the batch.

PS:  We hope you do realise that this is a Satire site providing fake news.

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MIT Manipal News The Manipal Experience

MIT Manipal Discovers their “He Who Must Not Be Named”

We all have our Voldemort. We all have our “she/he who shall not be named” — the ex whose name tastes so sour on our tongues we can’t even bring ourselves to say it, despite the years it has been since the breakup.

In the late hours of November 3rd, 2017, MIT Manipal students discovered theirs. “There is no good and evil, there is only power… and those too weak to seek it.”

This individual apparently has been hitting fully grown muggles during and after his class hours for ages now. One brave muggle by the name of Shipro Sutta (Real name can be found at the link below), raised the alarm late last night in the public forum for all things MIT or not. 

A gentle reminder to a professor that under no circumstances can he raise his hand on students. Regardless of what he/she might have done. Thank you.

Allegedly, He Who Must not be named has his favorite spell set to “I’ll kick you like a football”.

As another muggle student pointed out, that this individual ironically is the “Auxilary Governor for Apprentice Welfare” at MIT, Manipal.  He who must not be named, appears in pictures of events that take place, often sharing space with Albus Dumbledore of MIT, Manipal.

The post has received critical acclaim from 310 apprentices so far and is likely to create some friction in the group as “He who must not be named” visits the forum on a daily basis.

PS: This news is based on a true story. You can follow the story here.

Update: Within 15 minutes of posting this article, we’ve received an owl from Albus Dumbledore himself that He Who Must not be named has been exiled from his role and will be replaced by a new “Auxilary Governor for Apprentice Welfare”.

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MIT Manipal News The Manipal Experience

Thunderstorm destroys MIT Building Facade

Heavy lightning and thunderstorms over the last weekend in Manipal and Udupi have damaged a few residences in Brahmavar and Manipal. In Brahmavar, a tree got uprooted and fell on the rooftops damaging houses. However, there were no injuries.

In Manipal, a house belonging to Koraga Naika, in Vijayanagara Colony, Kodi was damaged after a coconut tree got uprooted and fell on the roof. A five-year-old child suffered minor injuries in the incident.

MIT Manipal Renovated
The building was simply standing in the way of the thunderstorm. This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object.

However, the most severe damage occurred to the more than 50 year old front facade of Manipal Institute of Technology building, which saw a lightning strike destroying its look. The building now resembles something straight out of an end-of-the-world-apocalyptic movie.

According to a reliable source, the incident occurred, when the building was just resigning itself to the students finishing their end semester exams and returning to their homes to seek for shelter from the severe heat wave that Manipal was suffering from.

Manipal Thor Hammer
Thor’s hammer captured in its act by Kshitij Bodhankar

However, on Saturday night, it was completely caught unawares as a thunderstorm initiated by the self-styled god “Thor” completely wreaked havoc across Manipal. His thunderbolt was captured by several of the students who were preparing to leave the most beautiful hostels in India.

Some of the people who spoke to our reporter on the issue expressed the feeling that the building was positioned directly on the route of the thunderstorm during the time of the incident.Ashfaq said “This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object.

“It was just like a war zone, you couldn’t believe it,” said Sravan Chenji, who lives in the End-point neighborhood.

A description so vivid, with toppled trees and crushed carports serving as a harsh reminder leaving many in awe.

“We were shook when daylight hit, to see the devastation. It’s just unreal,” said Kamal Subuddhi, who is a resident of the MIT Hostels

A mangled mess once served as an imposing facade of the MIT name, virtually unrecognizable now all thanks what folks here are deeming the storm with a distinct sound.

Speaking to Faking ManipalBlog, the keeper of the building, Rammanna said that the incident had worsened the already bad situation of the institute and regretted that if nothing was done expeditiously to address it; the school would be depreciating in infrastructures necessary for the teaching and learning.

PS: MIT Manipal is going in for an overhaul of its infrastructure.  The building is now being renovated and it is still a work in progress. The photo in this article was taken much before the lightning strikes. It is also true that unicorn is the national animal of India. The above article is  just a joke.  It’s up to you what you choose to believe. 

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MIT Manipal News The Manipal Experience

MIT Makes 25% attendance at DeeTee compulsory for writing University exams!

In a surprising development, the MIT has issued a notice saying that 25% attendance at DeeTee is a must to be eligible to appear for the University examinations for all undergraduate and post-graduate students currently enrolled on the rolls of the institute.

The notice reads as follows:

Any student who will reach prior to May 1 of the current year, 25% attendance at DeeTee shall meet the requirements of mandatory attendance required to be eligible for the University examinations. Any such student may continue to attend the academic program on a regular basis, unless a written request to drop the student from the institute rolls is made by the parent, guardian or other person having charge, control of the student.

Any student of mandatory attendance age must by the rules of the institute regularly attend DeeTee whether publicly  or privately or socially, or a combination of such ways not less than 25% of the entire term of the institute which the student attends.  This does not apply to a student who has already obtained a diploma or received a General Equivalency Diploma, completed the DeeTee program of instruction.

Excusal from the “25% DeeTee Attendance” requirement can be granted by the superintendent for a student who gives a written affidavit stating that he will Fake his exploits at DeeTee  everyday to drive the business of the institute.

A few students have already complained that the rules are unfair for those students who have been maintaining a 75% attendance all these days. They’ve started an online petition stating that  the rules need to be changed as follows- “25% attendance should be made mandatory for all UnderGraduate students  at DeeTee for each semester, failing which can lead to being barred from End Semesters.”

An MIT graduate was in concordance with the students who have petitioned for a revision in the rules. This is what Gokul Nupta, a mechanical engineering alumnus had to say –

I believe a 75% mandatory attendance, with 5 surprise tests comprising of taking 4 shots each time and sessionals in which you have to by heart the price of each item on the menu, would be the right way to go.

Not to forget the end semesters where you have to write a thesis on flirting, should be ideal.

PS: DeeTee is the most famous club of Manipal.  It is also true that unicorn is the national animal of India. The above article is  just a joke.  It’s up to you what you choose.