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Entertainment Faking Manipal

MIT students sign petition for Satya Nadella to go to space following Bezos

Amazon founder Jeff Bezos and his brother Mark flew to space on July 20 in a rocket ship made by the former’s company, Blue Origin. The company’s capsule landed in West Texas at about 8:22 a.m. local time, roughly 10 minutes after it launched on Blue Origin’s New Shepard rocket. The space trip happened 15 days after Bezos resigned from his CEO position. 

 

It is a lifelong dream come true for the Bezos brothers as Jeff added himself and his brother to cart with the fastest delivery option to outer space. Netizens call it a “divorce – dude” road trip. “Chaand pe rehna wala apun”, Ganesh Gaitonde tweeted as he had failed to hide his emotions.  

 

“It is my lifelong dream to view the Earth from outside; it changes you,” said the billionaire as he introduced Mark to the press conference. “I wasn’t even expecting him to say that he was going on the first flight,” says brother Mark Bezos, former advertising executive, volunteer firefighter, and Senior Vice President of New York City-based charity, Robin Hood (the irony… I know). Bezos brothers were supposed to be joined by Christopher Nolan, the director is working on his next film which is supposed to be a love triangle among the protagonist’s past, present and future selves. Much to all the cinephiles’s disbelief, this rumour turned out to be false as pictures of the space tourists’ playing ping pong ball was released.

 

Coming out fresh from the Containment Zone, students of Manipal Institute of Technology (MIT) sign a petition for Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella to go to space. Nadella, an alumnus of MIT had expressed his desire to take his cloud computing to greater heights last year and 62 miles above sea level does not look too bad. The MIT student council has already received 10,000 petitions against Bezos going to space. Twitter has played its part in cancelling only Jeff Bezos and not Amazon. Some say billionaires should not exist on this earth while another school of thought says Bezos should pass the eligibility criterion to enter into the Earth’s atmosphere again. The eligibility criterion being, ”Get a wife.”

 

Some keyboard warriors believe that this can be a career change for both Nadella and Bezos, exploiting poor aliens after completing their job here. While others say that both of them just want to find a way to grow hair. 

 

About the Author: The Author is a second year student of Manipal. He is a part of the resistance that protested against their parents about going back home when the second wave hit Manipal in March 2021. However the resistance failed and he had to go back. Currently, he is suffering.

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Entertainment

Wrong diagnosis by doc almost causes death; Munna Bhai comes to the rescue

A “Class of COVID-19” batch’s doctor’s wrong diagnosis led an influencer, Sakshi, to almost death in a private hospital in Colaba, South Bombay on Tuesday, forcing the patient’s Instagram followers to revert back to Munna Bhai MBBS. 


The unfortunate incident has led to a lot of trolling and protests, especially from the twitterpated netizens who took to Twitter to trend hashtags, with #CBSEFORSAKSHI getting almost 10,000 retweets. The doctor, He Who Must Not be Named, has been booked under IPC 336. Sakshi was admitted to Final Destination Healthcare on Sunday. “She had serious injuries as she was hit by a train. As there had been a chance of organ damage and internal bleeding, we intended to start our treatment as early as possible,” said Dr Prem Manusmare, a senior doctor. “But when she said that it was a suicide attempt, we decided to wait for the cops to interfere,” he added.

The doctor had recently joined the hospital after virtually graduating from her medical college. Reports say that she was on night duty that day, and on seeing a young girl in so much pain, she started treating her. After basic treatment, the doctor deduced that there was internal bleeding but paid no heed as she wrote in her prescription: “Patient shows signs of internal bleeding, but it is not an issue as that is where the blood is supposed to be.” Therefore, the young doctor declared Sakshi to be discharged soon.

 

“I saw that the patient of Room 13 (Sakshi’s room) was crying in pain late that night. As all the senior doctors had left, I decided to call Dr. Kabir Singh,” said a nurse, who wishes to remain unnamed. “But then we decided to request our best doctor (now retired) Munna Bhai MBBS, because of the former’s blood fetish,” added Mr. P. Gupta.

On being asked about the investigation, Anmol Gote (SI) said that it was purely a case of medical negligence and also raised questions about the effectiveness of online classes, especially for medical students. “The doctor used to bunk her online classes a lot and instead spent her time binge-watching web series and movies on various OTT platforms. She admitted to watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine, a famous sitcom, and took Jake Peralta’s joke in which he says, ‘The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That’s where the blood’s supposed to be,’ and used that knowledge in her professional life.

A quick and thorough investigation helped the cops to nab the culprit and bring justice to the victim. Sakshi has also received plenty of support, as many people have planned a candle march by circulating WhatsApp forwards requesting people to keep a black display picture. Not to forget, Twitter has already cancelled Brooklyn Nine-Nine. 

 

P.S.: All the facts in this article are made up. But you already knew that. Didn’t you?

About the Author: The Author is a first year student of Manipal. He is a part of the resistance that protested against their parents about going back home when the second wave hit Manipal in March 2021. However the resistance failed and he will be back home soon.

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Entertainment Faking Manipal

In a soaping Discovery, President Trump Discovers COVID-19 Cure!

Donald Trump literally shocks the entire world [No, not in a debate, C’mon]. According to sources, President of the United States (POTUS )and First Lady of the United States (FLOTUS) were recently tested positive for the novel COVID-19. Fortunately for all of us, the prayers worked and they really did a speedy recovery as they are both are now out of danger, safe and sound all thanks to the cure to the virus made up by our man Trump himself!
  How did POTUS make such an effective cure? Well unlike most of us, he decided to do something productive with the time he had during the quarantine. Apparently, all this while he has been experimenting with household items to find the cure (or at least, that’s what he claims). He really does believe in ‘Charity begins from home.’ He urged the public to not fear the Corona Virus, claiming it to be a hoax while making fun of his opponent in the presidential run, Joe Biden from the beginning for wearing a mask. Who knew he was working his master mind all this while?
 In a recent interview he was asked of how he managed to come up with such an effective cure single handed while teams of intellectual scientists couldn’t really do much as of now. Giving one of his famous smirk, the orange replied, “I started working by watching stand up comedies every night with his daughter Ivanka and wife Melania. Because you know, Laughter is the best medicine. Yeah, no, it didn’t work. The comedians really don’t just do it for me.”
Then he added, “I thought about Dawn, you know, while doing dishes. I experimented with it on Melanie. Had her sip a glass of Dawn with 2 spoons of water every two hours. Supposedly helps in cleaning the insides. It helps me a lot as well. After the 12 cans of Coke I have everyday, I really need it and it has helped me so far. And you know what, it is not a product from China!”
  In an Instagram live video, FLOTUS and POTUS spoke about how effective his little experiment turned out to be. “He is right you know, you don’t really need a mask. Go to your nearest stores, get yourself Dawn! With two spoons of water and a little faith you’re good as new.”
     After the live video, and the huge success of the Dawn cure, there is reportedly a huge demand for Dawn in states like Chicago, New York, California, New Jersey, Virginia, Texas and Pennsylvania. People have already started stocking up bottles of Dawn like they did with toilet papers at the start of lockdown.
    POTUS, being the dedicated President he is, will be back to work tomorrow according to the inside sources.
    In order to appreciate the efforts of POTUS, it is announced that there will be an applause ceremony where in people from all over the world would come out to the open grounds and clap without fear, for now, we have the cure! At least we’re free from Zoom calls. We can call this the “Dawn” of the Post COVID world!
P.S.: All the facts in this article are made up. But you already knew that. Didn’t you?

About the Author: The Author and Designer are first year students from from Manipal who can finally visit the campus for the first time soon, thanks to Trump’s cure. That’s all you need to know!

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Entertainment Faking Manipal Featured

After Chennai Express and Madras Cafe, its time for Udupi Hotel

Inspired by the success of ” Chennai Express” and “Madras Cafe”, two Udupi hoteliers Vasu Shetty and Varun Kamath have decided to produce their own version of these movies, and have named it “Udupi Hotel”.

Talking to reporters, Kamath said,” As Chennai has showcased its specialties to the world, its time we make use of the popularity of our hotels. Our Masala dosa and Gadbad are popular around the world. So we plan to promote our film based on the reputation of our food.”

Udupi Hotel Shah Rukh Khan Deepika Padukone
Shah Rukh Khan will be playing the role of a Udupi Restaurant waiter, while Deepika Padukone will be playing the role of a Temple priests daughter in the proposed movie.

The movie makers have drawn in Rohit Shetty – who also has his South Indian roots – to direct the movie. SRK will once again be starring opposite Deepika in the leading role, thus aiming to recreate the magic of Chennai Express . In the movie, Deepika will be from a Tulu speaking family of Temple priests, and instead of saying “Bokwass” she will be using words like “yenchina saav“. Popular characters like Dondu, RGV(justtt chiiilll) and Vasooli Bhai will also make cameos in the movie.

Manipal End Point and Kaup beach have been selected as shooting destinations. With Rohit Shetty in directors seat, the makers have promised that along with cars, plates of Idli and Chutney will be made to fly around to keep the feel of the movie alive. Atleast 70 cars and 20 buildings are expected to be blown up during the shooting.

As soon as the name of Rohit Shetty was announced,  the municipality announced Rs. 2 crores towards the destruction relief fund. According to reports, the director even wanted to blow up the Light House in Kaup. But, due to severe opposition from couples, he later dropped the idea.

Hospitals have also been kept on high alert during the screening of the movie, to treat those who suffer from drama overdose.  Those appearing for Physics exams have been strictly prohibited from such a movie, as the laws of physics are expected to go for a toss.

The makers have also promised to serve Idli and Dosa in theatres during screening, doing away with the usual popcorn. They expect the movie to break all previous records.

P.S.: All facts mentioned in this article are Fiction. 
But we guess, you already knew that, didn't you?