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Faking Manipal

Manipal Mud and Rains greet the new students

The dictionary says that the word mud means wet, soft ground. Mud has a very sad sound to it, and this is not without reason. I rather like mud and everything about it, but most people seem to take advantage of this wet, soft ground.

Take last week for instance; poor sad mud finally had a happy day. The rain kept coming down and the mud kept getting muddier and muddier, and the muddier it got the more the mud liked it. This was the first time in a while that the mud had such an opportunity to blurt out in all it’s glory. But the glory didn’t last very long,people couldn’t let the poor mud just lie there and sup up the falling rain drops, instead they just walked all over this smooth wet soft ground and made a filthy, sloppy mess.

A brilliant scene from The Dark Knight Rises that was shot in Muddy Manipal!

Within a few short hours the mud’s glory had come to a sad ending. Mud was dragged all over the place by people who just didn’t care whether the mud was happy or sad. When you walked down the street mud was all over the pavement, when you eat lunch mud was in your sandwiches, when you went to bed at night the mud went right along with you, when you went out to DeeTee to muse about Life-In-Manipal that same mud was there, yes poor sad mud was all over everywhere and everything.

But the people who did the mud the most harm were the students of Manipal. They didn’t care where they walked, they just went around jumping and kicking, and on a few occasions they were even rolling in the wet, soft stuff. Mud will return someday, so if it is at all possible have a heart and try to stay out of the mud. This should make all concerned very happy.

P.S: All the facts in this article are made up! But you already knew that didn’t you?

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Faking Manipal

KMC Mental Asylum Diary Says – I am over You

*DISCLAIMER: This is NOT a ghost story. These are entries from a diary found near KMC Mental Asylum ward. Read at your own risk. The authenticity could not be verified.

4 June: I thought the rain would stop, we should wait at the hotel, I was wrong. So my parents and I took an auto (which drive at insane speeds) and reached for the counseling. Yes, like countless other students we also were awed by the Innovation Centre and the grand design of the NLH. The counseling was a somber and routine work, and so we reached back to the hostel. Yes, I got see a lot of good-looking girls here, but as I was committed, I dare not do anything further… She means a lot to me.

27 July: We had a fight today, not the small ones, but a big one. She wanted me to study in my very own home State; I did not. She said she will never talk to me and find someone else, I thought she was bluffing. And so it came to pass that I left the shores of my city and came to Manipal. Manipal is fun, loads of new people and places, life here is exciting and fast, yet the pain of her anger still lingered at the back of my head.

2 September: I took my first cigarette today, breaking the vow that I would never smoke. Our fights have become much more intense. I could not stand the tension of our quarrels and the pressure of studies. I had to break free, smoking is injurious, hell, I know that but it helps me forget, calms my nerves down.

21 November: Haven’t started studying till now, exams begin in a few days. It’s her I can’t get out of my head. The memories keep coming back. I long for her gentle touch, her sweet scent and her playful laughter. It’s driving me crazy.

23 November: “I do not like you anymore; I have found a new guy.” These words have changed me forever; all my emotions and feelings meant nothing for her. She threw them away like a child disposes an old toy. I don’t want to study any more, I don’t want to be here anymore, I can’t focus I just want to be back home again. I can just keep writing her name a hundred times to fill this diary. I want my life to be filled with her. I can’t tell her how much I miss her, she doesn’t trust me anymore. I have made her as such! I hope to hold her in my arms again, to see her to share my dreams with her and keep talking to her late at night.. If there be a God,… I ask HIM to answer my prayers.. Do I not deserve this much from HIM? … Just give me her back again and those old times… those sweet memories we had. I want to live them again and create more, better ones!!

20 December: I didn’t go back home. I had to give a lot of make-up exams. I started smoking regularly; it soothes me. My parents are very angry at me. I can’t stand it .. It’s too much for me .. I think I will break. I let too many people down. I want to die; I want to leave this wretched place.

25 December: I found someone today, she was standing in front of me at the food court her spoon fell down and I picked it up for her and she said thanks. I felt the same butterflies in my stomach which I hadn’t felt for a long time. She made my mind go blank I couldn’t even respond to her. I saw her again at the Campus Store. She didn’t have enough change so I paid for her. And that’s how we became friends. She told me that her name was “Devyani”.

29 December: I took her out today, I think it is possible to forget one’s past, to let go of the pain, and start afresh. We went to CCD. It was the best time I ever had in Manipal. We share common interests; she laughs at my jokes and plans to become a civil engineer, and to top it all, she looks stunning, what more can a man need? I told my friends about her they told me they had never heard of someone called “Devyani”, I knew they were pulling my leg.

3 January: I didn’t clear any of my exams. So I went out to drink … I let down my parents; brought shame to my family name and didn’t come up to my parents expectation. Drinking seemed a solution. My friends and I were coming back from an auto when I saw her near KC; I waved; my friends asked me who I waved at ; I told them that that was the girl I was falling for. They told me there was no one there. I hit them hard and told them to quit fooling around. They remarked that the alcohol was playing tricks on my mind.

2 February: I went to get her Utility Bill just to surprise her (a weird surprise, I agree). When I reached the accounts section, I told them her name. They said there was no one by that name; I asked them to check again. I went to admission records to check her name but couldn’t find it. I called her mobile number; it said “the number does not exist”. What was this? I couldn’t understand… I couldn’t comprehend …. I started screaming…. What kind of hoax was this … and then I started laughing … very funny someone was pulling a good joke on me…a very good joke…

7 February: The doctors tell me I have something called schizophrenia, all I saw was a lie; they were just lying. I know she existed; they called her a figment of my imagination, something I had conjured up to keep my emotions in check. I just kept shouting. One of my friends told me that I was going crazy, I just took a pen and stabbed him in the face, yeah that was crazy and funny… Now he wouldn’t dare call me crazy.. Or maybe he would get the gag..

3 March: Well they put me in a ward. She came to meet me today, she even brought chocolates … she always knew which chocolates I liked. You might expect me to say that the walls of my prison are closing in on me, I can’t breathe… No…. its fun here living with the goonies; they make me feel sane. And I get to see her every day. I know she exists, she visits me every day. They will treat me with shocks tonight, they don’t get the joke do they.. They can’t see HER they are the ones who need to be treated. The truth won’t be changed by a few volts … She will visit me again tomorrow.

“Madness is the emergency exit. You can just step outside, and close the door on all those dreadful things that happened. You can lock them away… forever. All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy.”

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Faking Manipal

Desperate Deccan Chargers to be Led by VVS Laxman for Rest of the IPL

With no hope of making it to play-offs, the despondent and dispirited Deccan Chargers team have decided to reinstate VVS Laxman as captain for the rest of the IPL  in a bid to win the Royal Challenge Fair Play Award. The move comes after the team’s loss to the Delhi Daredevils today. The Deccan Chargers are languishing at the bottom of the Indian Premier League after winning only 2 of the thirteen games they’ve played this season.

VVS Laxman said he was happy to be a part of IPL 5.

At a press conference arranged after the game at the Rajiv Gandhi Cricket stadium in Uppal, Hyderabad, team owner Gayathri Reddy announced the desperate decision. She said,”Forget about winning any more matches this season, it is as unlikely as an Air India flight taking off on time. So, we want to salvage some pride by winning the Fairplay award. In this respect we decided to rope in VVS Laxman as skipper who embodies decency and  this could have a lot of impact on the perception of umpires and referees about the team,thereby improving our chances of winning the award.”

But it isn’t going to be easy for DC as they are placed fourth on Fair Play list with Rajasthan Royals occupying the first place. With only another 3 matches to be played, they can only hope that Rahul Dravid suddenly decides to yield the captaincy to Shane Watson.

While reporters chipped away with inflammatory questions, Gayathri Reddy took a quote from the Congress president and said ” It seems to be almost fashionable these days to criticise the Deccan Chargers. We must not allow this to deflect us.  We must  play peacefuly and with confidence on what we have achieved and there is much we have to show despite difficult  times.”

Asking the team members  to draw lessons from the Rajasthan Royals, she said, “We must all shed all manner of ungentlemanly behaviour, and fight as one disciplined team at all levels. That will be the single-most important factor to decide whether we win or lose.”

P.S: All the facts in this article are made up! But you already knew that didn’t you?

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Faking Manipal

The Untold Story of the Haunted Road to KC

Aaina is one of the few clubs that undertakes major events in the odd sem, especially for first years. I too joined the production team as a freshie (never got the time to apply for writing, nor can I act). They make you work a lot. Their publicity at par with Dhol Baaje (personally think they publicise the best), demands series of late night poster sticking. We stuck posters everywhere around the MU campus, braving the galling rain.

Finally came the time to reap the harvests of our hard work. Our name in the ‘Production Team’, free tickets for the play and the much awaited Aaina theme party. The theme this time was cartoons. After much deliberation, I decided to become Superman. So I borrowed a pair of blue tights from a girl in class, put my superman T, wore a red underwear over the tights (I don’t have red underwear I covered one with red cloth K!!!) and took my roomie’s red towel for the cape.

The party, held at blues, was amazing. The high seniors (our head in particular, probably the biggest guy I have seen in college but nevertheless nice, getting senti and giving speeches), the not so sober girls and the wonderful make-up on everyone.

I came back with some friends who later had to go to Trigger, so they just dropped me at the MIT main gate. It was 12.30. As the guard did not allow me to enter, I had to take the parallel road to KC. No matter how old I get or how many horror movies I watch, I always get scared with total darkness and no human soul anywhere. I had just crossed the cricket ground (now just a jungle) when I saw a lady. Sort of reassured that there were living people on the street, I walked showing oblivion to her presence. As I came near, she appeared to be lost. She looked in her forties, was wearing probably a Lehenga (If that’s what you call the ones actresses wear in movies during poojas and shaadis) and was decked up as if was about to get married. She seemed to be relieved to see me. She approached me and asked in an unusually shrill voice, ‘Can you tell me the way to KC?’ I told her to walk with me. It was quite windy, rather for the first time in Manipal, I was feeling cold.

We walked for about a minute and not a word was spoken, just the sound of her irritating Ghungurus. I was really surprised that she had no questions about my attire. To my relief it was her who broke the ice by asking where I was headed to. I told her that I was going to my hostel and started to tell her about the party, but she somehow seemed uninterested. So after finishing anyway, I ask her about her plans. She told me she had to catch a bus from TC as she was getting married the next day.

I was confused so I replied, ‘Why are you going to KC then?’ She just smiled; after pausing for a second, she replied, ‘Who would accompany you then?’ She was looking straight into my eyes. She had a smirk on her face and I could see her eyes were greyish blue. The cursory glance I gave her somehow told me she was waiting for this moment. That was when a ghost story I had heard came to my mind as I immediately looked down. Her feet were turned, heels in front. The feet, the voice, the attire, the chill and the scenario all fell into place as I felt a gush of horror though my chest.

I was stupefied. I knew she was there, staring at me but I couldn’t move, nor could I look at her. Her high pitched laughter was now piercing my ears. As drops of fear came down my eyes, I ran, as fast as I could; I could hear the ghunguru, could feel her breath on my neck, but I didn’t stop. The noise stopped near SP, but I didn’t stop till I reached the 16 th Block gate.

I woke up the next day and was told I had collapsed on the entrance itself. I had heard a lot of stories of the ‘Ulte pairon Waali chudail’; people had told me that she normally appeared in deserted places all around the world. It is believed that they are the souls of women who died of some tragedy and are stuck on the mortal land. It is also said that they are attracted to fear, so the more you think about them, more the chances of them appearing. I knew people who had given me accounts of such real life accounts, but I never believed them until then.

‘It is when the sight proclaims, that you believe

For the horror is not the scene but the mystery.

The comprehension ne’er aright

As you refute what it conjures. ‘

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Faking Manipal

Breaking News:Timmy Anna arrested at MIT, Manipal

Timmy Anna, the oldest fast food entrepreneur in Manipal, who sells cigarettes and Maggi near the 14th Block boys’ hostel of MIT, Manipal, has been arrested by police for violation of a  G.C. dated 4.2.2011 of the Government of  Karnataka that prohibits selling Cigarettes & Tobacco products within 100m radius of educational institutions.

The police have seized about  200  packets of cigarettes, lighters and a laptop from Anna’s roadside cafe. The incident took place at about 1:00 PM today.

Police finally woke up to this circular from the Government of Karnataka issued in 2011!

Timmy Anna is a very popular figure among MITians. He’s been selling cigarettes and catering to the everyday needs of MITians for about 3 decades. He is tech-savvy and interacts with his customers and fans on Facebook, on which he has over 1600 friends. He was recently in the news for his talk on entrepreneurship on the ION wi-fi student network.

Though police had information about him violating the G.C. long back, they hesitated to nab him fearing  violent protests and roadblocks from his customers, who are primarily MIT students.But now,they have taken all precautions to prevent any untoward incidents.Two battalions of  RAF and riot control police have been deployed in  MIT and Section 144 has been invoked in some areas of Manipal.

The news of the arrest took MITians by surprise. Our sources at Annapurna and Aditya canteens heard groups of students and hostel residents discussing various strategies over lunch to bail Anna out of trouble. A Facebook page was created to express solidarity with Anna and till the last reports came in there were 4041 ‘likes’ for the page.

Afternoon classes for MIT have been cancelled and students were warned against coming out of their hostels by the Chief Warden. MIT campus is peaceful so far but the atmosphere is tense.All the shops and coffee outlets have been closed.

Shortly after his arrest, Timmy Anna spoke to reporters at the Manipal police station. He urged his customers and fans to maintain restraint in the wake of his arrest and assured them that he will be out in a day.

Meanwhile,we learnt that police are under pressure from higher authorities not  to  file a case against Anna.

P.S: All the facts in this article are made up! But you already knew that didn’t you?

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Faking Manipal

New Reality Show To Determine next MIT Director

MUTV executives Monday unveiled their latest reality-TV venture, “Appointed by the Students“, a new series in which contestants vie for the top spot in MIT‘s post revolution administration.

“Get ready, MITians, because you’re about to choose the man–or woman–who will lead MIT into an exciting democratic future,” said MUTV reality-programming chief Repaid Keg Men, introducing the show at a press conference. “Will it be Brigadier Dr. S.S.Pabla, leader of the ex-exiled Free Patriotic Movement? Or Captain Kulwant Singh, Ex-commander of the allied forces of MIT Hostels? Or maybe Chase Ram, the current commander of MIT Hostels, with big dreams and an even bigger heart? Tune in daily at 9 to see.”

Reality Show participants have alreadystartedasking for votes through innovative memes on social networking sites such as Facebook

Describing the new show as “Superstar meets the reconstruction of MIT,” Repaid Keg Men said Appointed By The students will feature contestants squaring off in a variety of challenges, including a democracy quiz, a talent competition, and college-building activities that will demonstrate their ability to lead a vandalised, voice-ravaged south Indian college.

A panel of celebrity judges will help eliminate two contestants each week, leaving one lucky winner the undisputed director of MIT at the end of the season. Viewers can participate by casting phone-in votes, although Repaid Keg Men noted that voting is restricted to calls originating from within MIT.

Gag KrumKum (after resigning) will host the show under the auspices of the campus patrol. The three celebrity judges, Repaid Keg Men said, will be choreographer and former recording artist R.K.Hasmukh, internationally renowned hairstylist Towel Khan, and television star Rahul.

Audience members eagerly await the start of a live taping of Appointed By The Students.
“They really get into it,” Repaid Keg Men said. “Just wait until you see the fur fly between Pabla and Kullu.”

MUTV entertainment president Mr. Luview said the network was inspired to create the show after witnessing its news division’s ratings success over the past few months.

MUTV did such huge numbers with its recent events coverage, we figured, ‘Why not find a way to keep this good thing going?'” Dakhalo said. “I’m confident that our loyal MUTV News viewers will find that reinstating can be just as thrilling as resignation.”

The first episode has already been taped in front of a live studio audience, though results will remain classified until airtime. The winner of Appointed By The Students will be sworn in as Director of MIT on April 1st in a gala two-hour season finale broadcast live from the Quadrangle.

According to Mr. Luview, MUTV received more than 3,000 applicants for the show during an open casting call. While most of the hopefuls were MITians, some 600 aspiring directors from more than 100 colleges auditioned for the coveted 20 finalist spots. Contestants included an IIPM reject, a Southern inner-city schoolteacher, a fighter from the University of Lovely Punjab and MIT’s very own TimmyAnna & OM Xerox Akka!

At a briefing Monday, the Chancellor gave his blessing to Appointed By the Students.

“It is great that MUTV will play a vital role in post-revolution MIT,” Dharamdas said. “Heck, we didn’t really know what we were going to do.”

 

P.S: All the facts in this article are made up! But you already knew that didn’t you?

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Faking Manipal

Manipal to get 3 Multiplexes in April – Sambit Dash

A wish that Manipalites have since time immemorial nurtured has finally taken concrete step. Come April 1st and Manipal shall witness the inauguration of not one, not two but THREE theaters. And mind you, not the ‘dabba’  theaters, the original ones where you get to buy popcorn for a hundred bucks. Yes, Mad Labs, Hi-fi Max and You-nox, are setting shop. The town is abuzz with discussions about this latest development and many have declared that certainly it is a reason to celebrate.

If you are wondering where, then please do not wonder (b.t.w the expression ‘ umm I was wondering…’ is fast catching up with student folk), what else did you think all the deforestation, the high-rise are for? The construction at Syndicate Circle, the one opposite Pizza Corner and other at Vidyaratna Nagar will house these multiplexes. The CEO’s of the three chain of multiplexes have decided to invest an undisclosed amount in Manipal owing to an ever increasing number of students and a directly proportional increase in demand for movie theaters.

A Multiplex, Food Court, A Shopping Complex, Fine Dining Restaurants all in the proposed new building at Vidyaratna Nagar, Manipal

Mad Labs will set up four screens, a press release from the company has stated. They will cater to the student population and hence ticket costs will be sub prime during the day shows. This might raise the viewership but might lower the attendance in classes. As a counteracting strategy there might be a raise in the mandatory attendance for students by another 5 percent, unconfirmed reports from the University has suggested. A novel strategy of reducing the ticket costs on couple entry is also being mooted by innovative MBA students of PAPMI.

However this development has the air-conditioned bus service worried since it was the attraction of multiplex and malls that drove people in hordes towards Mangalore. With dwindling passenger numbers, the air-conditioned buses might have to make a provision for opening the windows. The present theater owners are also predicting a decline and it has made them contemplate conversion of their theaters to more profitable marriage mandaps.

Sources close to Hi-fi Max multiplex has revealed that cine stars like PC might swoon on April 1st in Manipal to inaugurate their theater. However on repeated insistence they did not reveal who PC really is. Suspense, eh? You-nox group of theater are planning on providing free tickets to students for a week starting 1st of April. Tickets will be tagged with ‘meals’ from Pangala, food court food and pani puri wala at Shanthala.

The moment much awaited has thus arrived for Manipal. Three multiplexes will change the movie scenario in this University town. Come April and the mouths will be shut of thousands who complain the lack of a genuine theater in Manipal. Not only will students and residents of Manipal but masses from nearby villages and towns will converge on this town to experience Multiplex in Manipal. Hope you do not stay behind!

P.S : All facts in this article are made up but you already knew that, didn’t you ?

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This is a Guest post by Sambit Dash. He is a Lecturer at the Dept. of Biochemistry & Genetics, KMC International Center, Manipal, India. His personal Blog is at SambitSpeak.
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Faking Manipal

Former England captain blames Poonam Pandey for series defeat: Is it Cricket?

A controversial former England skipper, Gasser Ussain, claimed that he saw “Poonam Pandey in Team India players’ eyes” .

He made this remark after Thursday’s third ODI match between England and India in which India trounced England by 5 wickets. Ensconced in the NEO TV studio during post-match analysis, he said: “Today I have observed some strange spark in Ajinkya Rahane’s  eyes. When I saw carefully, I have observed this lady Poonam Pandey in them. Not believing myself, I have checked some other players when the camera zoomed in on their eyes…Trust me,all of them have Poonam Pandey in their eyes. Seems like Poonam Pandey‘s ‘boost’ worked for Team India.”

Poonam Pandey is a 19-year-old model and a self-styled cricket fan who posted her sensual videos on her website to inspire beleaguered Team India after their disastrous England tour.Ever since then India is on winning spree and the model took credit for it.

The ex-captain’s  latest comment is likely to lead to another controversy. Earlier,the same person had called Indian players donkeys while commenting on their fielding skills which lead to huge outrage in India.

Meanwhile,another former England captain, Michael Vaughan, came in support of Gasser’s comments. He tweeted,”Just came to know about Gasser’s comments…How true!!! I have seen some other lady as well in Dhoni’s eyes. Dunno her name..seen her in RCB outfits with Vijay Mallya. Can any1 lemme know?” He later confirmed that the lady is Deepika Padukone after his followers tweeted her name.

 But his tweet has not gone down well with Indian cricket fans. They ridiculed Michael Vaughan on twitter by calling him “Digvijay Singh of cricket”.

P.S : All facts in this article are made up but you already knew that, din’t you ?

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Faking Manipal

University to Introduce student friendly myPal Kiosk

All this will be a thing of the past. Source: The Manipal Journal

There is a new machine which will be  installed in the farthest lunch line in the cafeteria, called the myPal Kiosk. The name for this machine, is inspired by the name of  Manipal, and the new airtel ad ” har ek friend zaroori hota hai”.

  This machine allows money to be put into a student’s lunch account to make it quicker to purchase food and have enough time to eat. The myPal Kiosk accepts coins and cash, but no pennies. In order to put money in, it is required for the student to know their 9-digit student ID number.

Every time a student logs in, the machine will have a greeting by identifying his or her name. Once logged in, the machine only gives the individual only 30 seconds of idle time, until logging out of account. When finished, a receipt will print out confirming the amount of money in his or her account.

The line farthest to the right, will only accept money through myPal Kiosk. This will save time during lunches, approximately 40 minutes a day. In addition to the myPal Kiosk, the empty vending machine, that students pass by everyday during lunch, will finally be stocked with fresh food. These include milk, Chick-Fil-A sandwiches, vitamin water, and a variety of breakfast foods.

The Chief Warden for the  College Dorm said, “There have been many complaints regarding the time take to have a decent meal at the college food court. Hopefully these two machines will speed up the process of the lunches and lunch lines, so the students are able to enjoy their lunch without any rush.” However, he failed to inform on the exact date that the machine will be installed.

However, Nalith Lag, a second year student at the college was of the opinion that “It’s a waste of time and a way for the college to get your money.” Another student, Torna Sonse said , “I think it’s stupid because it can just take your money.”

P.S : All facts in this article are made up but you already knew that, didn’t you ?

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Engineer’s Day evokes strong response

World Sports Journalism Day
We Demand a World Sports Journalism Day!

Tired of seeing all the ‘Happy Engineer’s Day’ posts all over social media sites, students from various other streams felt left out and decided to have a day for their respective streams as well. One Manoj Tiwari (name changed on request) from a reputed communications colleg in Manipal, said ” Soon we will call for a meeting and decide on a day to celebrate ‘Mass Communication Day’ across India.”

Another student from the Dept. of Commerce, Ethan D’ silva (name changed on request) too felt the same. He said, “We are roughly 100 students in this college. But worldwide there are crores of people from the commerce background and doing better than their engineering counterparts. We too will call for a meeting and celebrate ‘Commerce Day’ in the coming days.”

In retaliation to this, an engineering from MIT, Swagnik Bhat (name changed again) said, “We are the minds behind all the convenience that this world is enjoying today. Just imagine a world without engineers. Can you? It would be just like Lady Gaga without all those Gaga around her or maybe Rakhi Sawant without the fuss or her fake accessories or Ekta Kapoor with her ‘K’ series. We deserve a day dedicated to us and we are proud to be an engineer.”

We are keenly awaiting further developments in this regard and expect fireworks in the days to come.

 

P.S : All facts in this article are made up but you already knew that, didn’t you ?