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MIT Manipal News The Manipal Experience

MIT Manipal Discovers their “He Who Must Not Be Named”

We all have our Voldemort. We all have our “she/he who shall not be named” — the ex whose name tastes so sour on our tongues we can’t even bring ourselves to say it, despite the years it has been since the breakup.

In the late hours of November 3rd, 2017, MIT Manipal students discovered theirs. “There is no good and evil, there is only power… and those too weak to seek it.”

This individual apparently has been hitting fully grown muggles during and after his class hours for ages now. One brave muggle by the name of Shipro Sutta (Real name can be found at the link below), raised the alarm late last night in the public forum for all things MIT or not. 

A gentle reminder to a professor that under no circumstances can he raise his hand on students. Regardless of what he/she might have done. Thank you.

Allegedly, He Who Must not be named has his favorite spell set to “I’ll kick you like a football”.

As another muggle student pointed out, that this individual ironically is the “Auxilary Governor for Apprentice Welfare” at MIT, Manipal.  He who must not be named, appears in pictures of events that take place, often sharing space with Albus Dumbledore of MIT, Manipal.

The post has received critical acclaim from 310 apprentices so far and is likely to create some friction in the group as “He who must not be named” visits the forum on a daily basis.

PS: This news is based on a true story. You can follow the story here.

Update: Within 15 minutes of posting this article, we’ve received an owl from Albus Dumbledore himself that He Who Must not be named has been exiled from his role and will be replaced by a new “Auxilary Governor for Apprentice Welfare”.

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MIT Manipal News The Manipal Experience

Thunderstorm destroys MIT Building Facade

Heavy lightning and thunderstorms over the last weekend in Manipal and Udupi have damaged a few residences in Brahmavar and Manipal. In Brahmavar, a tree got uprooted and fell on the rooftops damaging houses. However, there were no injuries.

In Manipal, a house belonging to Koraga Naika, in Vijayanagara Colony, Kodi was damaged after a coconut tree got uprooted and fell on the roof. A five-year-old child suffered minor injuries in the incident.

MIT Manipal Renovated
The building was simply standing in the way of the thunderstorm. This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object.

However, the most severe damage occurred to the more than 50 year old front facade of Manipal Institute of Technology building, which saw a lightning strike destroying its look. The building now resembles something straight out of an end-of-the-world-apocalyptic movie.

According to a reliable source, the incident occurred, when the building was just resigning itself to the students finishing their end semester exams and returning to their homes to seek for shelter from the severe heat wave that Manipal was suffering from.

Manipal Thor Hammer
Thor’s hammer captured in its act by Kshitij Bodhankar

However, on Saturday night, it was completely caught unawares as a thunderstorm initiated by the self-styled god “Thor” completely wreaked havoc across Manipal. His thunderbolt was captured by several of the students who were preparing to leave the most beautiful hostels in India.

Some of the people who spoke to our reporter on the issue expressed the feeling that the building was positioned directly on the route of the thunderstorm during the time of the incident.Ashfaq said “This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object.

“It was just like a war zone, you couldn’t believe it,” said Sravan Chenji, who lives in the End-point neighborhood.

A description so vivid, with toppled trees and crushed carports serving as a harsh reminder leaving many in awe.

“We were shook when daylight hit, to see the devastation. It’s just unreal,” said Kamal Subuddhi, who is a resident of the MIT Hostels

A mangled mess once served as an imposing facade of the MIT name, virtually unrecognizable now all thanks what folks here are deeming the storm with a distinct sound.

Speaking to Faking ManipalBlog, the keeper of the building, Rammanna said that the incident had worsened the already bad situation of the institute and regretted that if nothing was done expeditiously to address it; the school would be depreciating in infrastructures necessary for the teaching and learning.

PS: MIT Manipal is going in for an overhaul of its infrastructure.  The building is now being renovated and it is still a work in progress. The photo in this article was taken much before the lightning strikes. It is also true that unicorn is the national animal of India. The above article is  just a joke.  It’s up to you what you choose to believe. 

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MIT Manipal News The Manipal Experience

MIT Makes 25% attendance at DeeTee compulsory for writing University exams!

In a surprising development, the MIT has issued a notice saying that 25% attendance at DeeTee is a must to be eligible to appear for the University examinations for all undergraduate and post-graduate students currently enrolled on the rolls of the institute.

The notice reads as follows:

Any student who will reach prior to May 1 of the current year, 25% attendance at DeeTee shall meet the requirements of mandatory attendance required to be eligible for the University examinations. Any such student may continue to attend the academic program on a regular basis, unless a written request to drop the student from the institute rolls is made by the parent, guardian or other person having charge, control of the student.

Any student of mandatory attendance age must by the rules of the institute regularly attend DeeTee whether publicly  or privately or socially, or a combination of such ways not less than 25% of the entire term of the institute which the student attends.  This does not apply to a student who has already obtained a diploma or received a General Equivalency Diploma, completed the DeeTee program of instruction.

Excusal from the “25% DeeTee Attendance” requirement can be granted by the superintendent for a student who gives a written affidavit stating that he will Fake his exploits at DeeTee  everyday to drive the business of the institute.

A few students have already complained that the rules are unfair for those students who have been maintaining a 75% attendance all these days. They’ve started an online petition stating that  the rules need to be changed as follows- “25% attendance should be made mandatory for all UnderGraduate students  at DeeTee for each semester, failing which can lead to being barred from End Semesters.”

An MIT graduate was in concordance with the students who have petitioned for a revision in the rules. This is what Gokul Nupta, a mechanical engineering alumnus had to say –

I believe a 75% mandatory attendance, with 5 surprise tests comprising of taking 4 shots each time and sessionals in which you have to by heart the price of each item on the menu, would be the right way to go.

Not to forget the end semesters where you have to write a thesis on flirting, should be ideal.

PS: DeeTee is the most famous club of Manipal.  It is also true that unicorn is the national animal of India. The above article is  just a joke.  It’s up to you what you choose. 

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Faking Manipal The Manipal Experience

The Ultimate Manipal News Headlines: 2020

Here’s a look at the news that will be making the Headlines in Manipal of 2020 AD.

Auto fare from Syndicate Circle to Tiger Circle increased to Rs.500*
-MIT inaugurates Hostel Block 51 which is closer to Mangalore than Manipal
-A 2013 male graduate from MIT gets a room in 13th Block Girls’ Hostel
Kamath Circle wall demolished for 13th time
-Spotted: Ferrari in front of China ValleyManipal 2020

-KMC Manipal wins Utsav again this year
-Manipalblog’s 7th branch Jamaica.manipalblog.com launches today
-Students protest against the proposed cutting-down of the last tree in 10 km radius of Manipal
-Planet Cafe delivers a burger in just 36 hours
Ordermaadi.in reaches 10K pre-signups and is launching ‘soon’

-TAPMI to get Justin Bieber for their campus fest Atharva 2020
Manipal bus driver selected as reserve driver for Sahara Force India Formula 1 team
ION promises internet speeds as high as 3.1 kbps from the next academic year
-MIT to ban bicycles in the campus owing to heavy crowd
-A Facebook page – “My name is Sikkim Manipal University and I am NOT in Manipal,Karnataka” goes viral

*Night charges extra

This post is co-authored by Vikram Tomar and Vijay VK.

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MIT Manipal Hostel News

Mystery Man haunting 13th Block MIT Manipal Girls revealed!

The story of the 13th Block haunting took an unexpected twist when an old papyrus was discovered dating to the early 17th century at the T.M.A. Pai museum a couple of days ago. The papyrus, written in English, probably a remnant of the Portuguese/English occupation of the country has a cryptic verse which reads:

It’s night, winter and snow falls deeply for the first time upon the mouth of hell. The moon is high and the nightlife stops to take in the anomaly. She holds him to her, his pale skin belongs to the demons, she thinks, as she slowly scratches her trembling fingers down his back.

The papyrus further elaborates that this pale skinned man and the woman in question fell madly in love and eloped to what is now known to all of us as Manipal. It also states that the girl died after local residents found her to be very ugly looking and separated her from the pale skinned companion.

Within a couple of nights after the discovery of the papyrus,in an interesting but equally shocking development,the mystery person of the 13th Block 2:00 A.M. knock turned out to be a pale skinned person who bears a shocking resemblance to the vampire Edward Cullen from the ever popular Twilight saga. Could the pale person be the same individual as mentioned in the papyrus from the museum? ManipalBlog tried to follow the case further and came to know that the person was caught red-handed by the lady guards while trying to break into the hostel block in an inebriated state.

A Pale skinned person was caught red-handed by the lady guards while trying to break into the 13th block hostel!

According to the Chief Warden,the incident took place at 1:50 AM on Monday.

In his statement, the warden said “A pale skinned person was seen by the lady guard Muanmaramma at about 1:50 AM early on Monday.She immediately called the campus patrol van and alerted a couple of her colleagues who usually fall asleep at that god-forsaken hour. By chance, her colleagues were awake at that time and they pounced on the poor man with broom sticks,beat him up till he fell unconscious and informed the police.”

There was a huge buzz in the campus today, especially among the lady students, who took it as a sign that real life vampires do exist. One of the girls even went to the extent of saying that, the pale person was actually Edward Cullen, the vampire. The girl, who calls herself Stella Swan, contacted our blogger and passed along this message to Edward; “Ohhhh….you are chooo chweet.muaaaahh..neva knew it waz you.damn these guards..how can they beat up such a cute guy…poowa you… next time I’ll leave my window open.. you know which one…”

The man was later admitted to the Medical ward at Kasturba Hospital. Sources say that the blood bank has been placed under strict supervision and the lady nurse in-charge has been told that she has to give a detailed report of all the units that are being used.

Upon hearing that the Edward lookalike was in a serious condition at the hospital,Twilight fans in the block went crazy.They swarmed over to the hospital like honey bees and the police had to resort to lathi charge to disperse the crowd. Later, the on duty doctor, issued a statement that the man is in a very stable condition and that he does not have any external injuries from the incident. However, he will be kept under observation as this is a very unique case. The doctor did not elaborate what was unique about the case to our reporters.

The police have registered a case of trespassing against him. They have asked the hospital authorities not to allow any visitors to the room in which the Edward lookalike is being held.

After much persuasion and many promises our source was allowed into the room by the nurse in-charge. When we asked him why he visited the girl’s block so many times and disappeared and whether there was a link with the papyrus, he screamed at our source; “What the fuck! Those girls must be hallucinating.I have been here just once a couple of years back to meet my sweetheart who stays in the 13th Block. I almost met her, but the Manipal Bug bit me on my face and I had to rush back. Imagine, if she saw my disfigured face!! And now, I came here for the same reason..Damn..they beat me up with some shitty broomsticks…”

Meanwhile,sources tell us that the rooms which so far have been left unoccupied due to the fear of ghost-knocking at night are said to be in full demand now.

P.S : All facts in this article are made up but you already knew that, didn’t you?

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MIT Manipal Hostel News

THE UNTOLD STORY OF 13TH BLOCK

I have always preferred to stay away from planchets and Ouija board sessions. I avoid the forum meetings when any related experiment or session is planned. It’s not that I do not believe in it. In fact I have seen quite a few examples that point towards success of the whole thing, but the main problem is that the results are not predictable and I do not want to open a door that I do not know how to close. Secondly one does not know what lurks behind the fence, hoping to enter our world using one pretext or the other.

One such session was arranged in 13th block sometime last year. I am not sure exactly how it is conducted but the spirit is summoned to possess the medium somewhat like what they show in typical horror movies. While the sceptics believe that the moving pieces are all psychological but sometimes you believe what you see. A few questions are asked to the medium and then the spirit is eventually asked to leave.

About 4 to 5 girls conducted one such session. The procedure requires the ghost to be sent back. However, these people didn’t. Next night they had a knock on the door, when they opened, shockingly, no one was there. Initially discarded as coincidence. This went on for a week. All mayhem struck and the girls were left wondering what to do. Finally, they decided to approach their block warden. The warden after much persuasion decided to sleep with them that night.

The atmosphere was tense. There was something eerie. The clock finally stuck 2. A gentle sound of a knock comes. As the warden hastily opens the door, she could see the shadows of a person with an unfamiliar face. Much to her amazement the shadow disappeared within a second.

The news of this episode spread in the whole block. Everyone became completely numb, carrying a frightened expression similar to a cat being chased by a crow. The warden complained to Kulwant Singh and a guard was told to keep a watch the next night. Again the knock came according to the girls. However guard was totally clueless and later said that she didn’t see anyone.

Kulwant Sir then asks the warden to put Swastik on the door. The next day the girls were relieved as no knock was observed but just as they were about to go to bed, a knock came on the window- they lived on 3rd floor. The matter by now had become pensive. Solving this mystery was no child’s play.

Vacation of those rooms was the last straw left. And that’s exactly what happened.

Till date people refuse to acknowledge this incident. Well as they say-“some things are better left unsaid “

 *None of these facts are confirmed by the faculty. The story is a very much a believed one, similar to the 1st block basement tale.

 

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MIT Manipal Mess Food

Annapoorna MIT Boys Mess to have 5% Reservations for Girls!

Winds of change that have swept across MIT have now pinched Annapoorna mess. After the Revolution in front of the Manipal.Edu building on 15th March 2012, MIT ordered setting up of a Mess committee to look into various problems about seating and food. After lengthy consultations and innumerable haggling, many decisions were taken. According to the notice from Chief Warden‘s office, Annapoorna MIT Boys Mess will now have 5% seats reserved for girls in all the four sessions w.e.f. April 2,2012.

Explaining the rationale behind the move,the Chief Warden told us, “Many clubs in MIT organise their events at 10th block basketball court. Being a part of organising committees girls come here and they are seen eating here often. So,we decided to reserve some seats for them here so that they don’t face any inconvenience.”

The decision was welcomed by both boys and girls of the college. Some girls even went to the extent of suggesting that, similar concession should be allowed to boys of MIT at their hostels.

“It’s a nice decision with a very good intention. But I don’t think reservation is required. When I dined in the mess, boys over there were willing to part with their seats and offer me theirs. They are very nice and cordial,” said Kareena Kaif, a female student who has dined in Annapoorna a couple of times.She is of the opinion that  girls should be allowed to join the mess with their mess cards which will prevent the tag of ‘freeloaders’ on them.

Kamaal Bahesh Mhatt, an inmate of 10th block,said, “It’s a good proactive move by Chief Warden and I wholeheartedly welcome it.”  Surprisingly,a few days back Kamaal was seen abusing college authorities  with choicest abuses(on Facebook) because of congestion in Annapoorna mess.

Following the announcement,the MIT girl students, who often like to eat at Annapoorna Mess, have decided to give a list of items that they would like to be ready in the Kitchens. We have learnt that they want more “Girly Foods”,including, Quiché; tossed salad with a light vinaigrette dressing (Romaine lettuce, without that cheap Iceberg crap); strawberries and champagne; cheesecake (modest slices to keep their figures good); chocolate — especially dark chocolate, higher in antioxidants; chicken, grilled or baked; fish grilled, poached, or baked; steamed vegetables.

A Truck brings in Fresh supplies to Annapoorna Mess, MIT, Manipal
A Truck brings in Fresh supplies to Annapoorna Mess, MIT, Manipal following demands by its girl members to have many light calorie foods on the menu.

We have learnt  that the Mess Manager is going to introduce Dairy Milk chocolate in the menu on  Wednesday evenings as per the suggestion from one of the girls. He also said,most of the stuff they’ve requested will be slowly introduced into the menu.When asked why he does not consider any suggestions made by the boys, he said ” Shakal dekhi hai aaine mein?”.

 

P.S : All facts in this article are made up but you already knew that, didn’t you ?

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MIT Manipal News

Breaking News: Departments to collect the data of FAGs in College – MIT Joint Director

In what could go down as a ground breaking development, MIT Joint Director ordered all the departments to furnish the details of FAGS‘ by Monday positively. The move comes in the wake of complaints received by him from various departments about poor attendance.

Talking to our correspondent,he said, “In every meeting of mine with HODs, they complain about students coming late to the class and low attendance,especially in the ‘core branches’. Our policy on attendance is not sufficient to deter those students from doing so. It’s high time I put a check to this practice. So,first we will collect the data on FAGS.”

A T-Shirt designed by a resourceful FAG, who frequently writes for ManipalBlog, to cash in on the latest controversy.

Asked what action he would take after procuring the data,he said, “After we have data on them, I’d constitute a special squad comprising faculty members and ask them to keep a tab on FAGS. This includes surprise visits to their rooms anytime and  also monitoring their activities outside the campus. If they are found to be doing ‘strange and useless’ things without attending classes,then we’d inform their parents and suspend them from college.”

Not surprisingly,this move has outraged the FAGS in the campus. “WTF!!!They come to our rooms anytime to see what we are doing? This is infringement of privacy. I will talk to other FAGS and see if we can bring injunction against this order,” fumed a FAG from one of the core branches who requested anonymity.

On asking what exactly does the term FAG mean and whether the college has gone too far this time, unconfirmed sources, which included a 9 Pointer and a gold medalist for attendance,  informed us that FAG is slang for “Frequently Absent Guys” and the college is well within it’s right to take this drastic measure!

Meanwhile ManipalBlog has learnt from reliable FAGs that  there might be disruption of the classes from Monday till the new order is rescinded. Backdoor negotiations are still going on.

P.S : All facts in this article are made up but you already knew that, didn’t you ?