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MIT Manipal News The Manipal Experience

MIT Manipal Discovers their “He Who Must Not Be Named”

We all have our Voldemort. We all have our “she/he who shall not be named” — the ex whose name tastes so sour on our tongues we can’t even bring ourselves to say it, despite the years it has been since the breakup.

In the late hours of November 3rd, 2017, MIT Manipal students discovered theirs. “There is no good and evil, there is only power… and those too weak to seek it.”

This individual apparently has been hitting fully grown muggles during and after his class hours for ages now. One brave muggle by the name of Shipro Sutta (Real name can be found at the link below), raised the alarm late last night in the public forum for all things MIT or not. 

A gentle reminder to a professor that under no circumstances can he raise his hand on students. Regardless of what he/she might have done. Thank you.

Allegedly, He Who Must not be named has his favorite spell set to “I’ll kick you like a football”.

As another muggle student pointed out, that this individual ironically is the “Auxilary Governor for Apprentice Welfare” at MIT, Manipal.  He who must not be named, appears in pictures of events that take place, often sharing space with Albus Dumbledore of MIT, Manipal.

The post has received critical acclaim from 310 apprentices so far and is likely to create some friction in the group as “He who must not be named” visits the forum on a daily basis.

PS: This news is based on a true story. You can follow the story here.

Update: Within 15 minutes of posting this article, we’ve received an owl from Albus Dumbledore himself that He Who Must not be named has been exiled from his role and will be replaced by a new “Auxilary Governor for Apprentice Welfare”.

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MIT Manipal News The Manipal Experience

Thunderstorm destroys MIT Building Facade

Heavy lightning and thunderstorms over the last weekend in Manipal and Udupi have damaged a few residences in Brahmavar and Manipal. In Brahmavar, a tree got uprooted and fell on the rooftops damaging houses. However, there were no injuries.

In Manipal, a house belonging to Koraga Naika, in Vijayanagara Colony, Kodi was damaged after a coconut tree got uprooted and fell on the roof. A five-year-old child suffered minor injuries in the incident.

MIT Manipal Renovated
The building was simply standing in the way of the thunderstorm. This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object.

However, the most severe damage occurred to the more than 50 year old front facade of Manipal Institute of Technology building, which saw a lightning strike destroying its look. The building now resembles something straight out of an end-of-the-world-apocalyptic movie.

According to a reliable source, the incident occurred, when the building was just resigning itself to the students finishing their end semester exams and returning to their homes to seek for shelter from the severe heat wave that Manipal was suffering from.

Manipal Thor Hammer
Thor’s hammer captured in its act by Kshitij Bodhankar

However, on Saturday night, it was completely caught unawares as a thunderstorm initiated by the self-styled god “Thor” completely wreaked havoc across Manipal. His thunderbolt was captured by several of the students who were preparing to leave the most beautiful hostels in India.

Some of the people who spoke to our reporter on the issue expressed the feeling that the building was positioned directly on the route of the thunderstorm during the time of the incident.Ashfaq said “This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object.

“It was just like a war zone, you couldn’t believe it,” said Sravan Chenji, who lives in the End-point neighborhood.

A description so vivid, with toppled trees and crushed carports serving as a harsh reminder leaving many in awe.

“We were shook when daylight hit, to see the devastation. It’s just unreal,” said Kamal Subuddhi, who is a resident of the MIT Hostels

A mangled mess once served as an imposing facade of the MIT name, virtually unrecognizable now all thanks what folks here are deeming the storm with a distinct sound.

Speaking to Faking ManipalBlog, the keeper of the building, Rammanna said that the incident had worsened the already bad situation of the institute and regretted that if nothing was done expeditiously to address it; the school would be depreciating in infrastructures necessary for the teaching and learning.

PS: MIT Manipal is going in for an overhaul of its infrastructure.  The building is now being renovated and it is still a work in progress. The photo in this article was taken much before the lightning strikes. It is also true that unicorn is the national animal of India. The above article is  just a joke.  It’s up to you what you choose to believe. 

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MIT Manipal News The Manipal Experience

MIT Makes 25% attendance at DeeTee compulsory for writing University exams!

In a surprising development, the MIT has issued a notice saying that 25% attendance at DeeTee is a must to be eligible to appear for the University examinations for all undergraduate and post-graduate students currently enrolled on the rolls of the institute.

The notice reads as follows:

Any student who will reach prior to May 1 of the current year, 25% attendance at DeeTee shall meet the requirements of mandatory attendance required to be eligible for the University examinations. Any such student may continue to attend the academic program on a regular basis, unless a written request to drop the student from the institute rolls is made by the parent, guardian or other person having charge, control of the student.

Any student of mandatory attendance age must by the rules of the institute regularly attend DeeTee whether publicly  or privately or socially, or a combination of such ways not less than 25% of the entire term of the institute which the student attends.  This does not apply to a student who has already obtained a diploma or received a General Equivalency Diploma, completed the DeeTee program of instruction.

Excusal from the “25% DeeTee Attendance” requirement can be granted by the superintendent for a student who gives a written affidavit stating that he will Fake his exploits at DeeTee  everyday to drive the business of the institute.

A few students have already complained that the rules are unfair for those students who have been maintaining a 75% attendance all these days. They’ve started an online petition stating that  the rules need to be changed as follows- “25% attendance should be made mandatory for all UnderGraduate students  at DeeTee for each semester, failing which can lead to being barred from End Semesters.”

An MIT graduate was in concordance with the students who have petitioned for a revision in the rules. This is what Gokul Nupta, a mechanical engineering alumnus had to say –

I believe a 75% mandatory attendance, with 5 surprise tests comprising of taking 4 shots each time and sessionals in which you have to by heart the price of each item on the menu, would be the right way to go.

Not to forget the end semesters where you have to write a thesis on flirting, should be ideal.

PS: DeeTee is the most famous club of Manipal.  It is also true that unicorn is the national animal of India. The above article is  just a joke.  It’s up to you what you choose. 

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MIT Manipal News

Breaking News: Departments to collect the data of FAGs in College – MIT Joint Director

In what could go down as a ground breaking development, MIT Joint Director ordered all the departments to furnish the details of FAGS‘ by Monday positively. The move comes in the wake of complaints received by him from various departments about poor attendance.

Talking to our correspondent,he said, “In every meeting of mine with HODs, they complain about students coming late to the class and low attendance,especially in the ‘core branches’. Our policy on attendance is not sufficient to deter those students from doing so. It’s high time I put a check to this practice. So,first we will collect the data on FAGS.”

A T-Shirt designed by a resourceful FAG, who frequently writes for ManipalBlog, to cash in on the latest controversy.

Asked what action he would take after procuring the data,he said, “After we have data on them, I’d constitute a special squad comprising faculty members and ask them to keep a tab on FAGS. This includes surprise visits to their rooms anytime and  also monitoring their activities outside the campus. If they are found to be doing ‘strange and useless’ things without attending classes,then we’d inform their parents and suspend them from college.”

Not surprisingly,this move has outraged the FAGS in the campus. “WTF!!!They come to our rooms anytime to see what we are doing? This is infringement of privacy. I will talk to other FAGS and see if we can bring injunction against this order,” fumed a FAG from one of the core branches who requested anonymity.

On asking what exactly does the term FAG mean and whether the college has gone too far this time, unconfirmed sources, which included a 9 Pointer and a gold medalist for attendance,  informed us that FAG is slang for “Frequently Absent Guys” and the college is well within it’s right to take this drastic measure!

Meanwhile ManipalBlog has learnt from reliable FAGs that  there might be disruption of the classes from Monday till the new order is rescinded. Backdoor negotiations are still going on.

P.S : All facts in this article are made up but you already knew that, didn’t you ?