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Faking Manipal

Former England captain blames Poonam Pandey for series defeat: Is it Cricket?

A controversial former England skipper, Gasser Ussain, claimed that he saw “Poonam Pandey in Team India players’ eyes” .

He made this remark after Thursday’s third ODI match between England and India in which India trounced England by 5 wickets. Ensconced in the NEO TV studio during post-match analysis, he said: “Today I have observed some strange spark in Ajinkya Rahane’s  eyes. When I saw carefully, I have observed this lady Poonam Pandey in them. Not believing myself, I have checked some other players when the camera zoomed in on their eyes…Trust me,all of them have Poonam Pandey in their eyes. Seems like Poonam Pandey‘s ‘boost’ worked for Team India.”

Poonam Pandey is a 19-year-old model and a self-styled cricket fan who posted her sensual videos on her website to inspire beleaguered Team India after their disastrous England tour.Ever since then India is on winning spree and the model took credit for it.

The ex-captain’s  latest comment is likely to lead to another controversy. Earlier,the same person had called Indian players donkeys while commenting on their fielding skills which lead to huge outrage in India.

Meanwhile,another former England captain, Michael Vaughan, came in support of Gasser’s comments. He tweeted,”Just came to know about Gasser’s comments…How true!!! I have seen some other lady as well in Dhoni’s eyes. Dunno her name..seen her in RCB outfits with Vijay Mallya. Can any1 lemme know?” He later confirmed that the lady is Deepika Padukone after his followers tweeted her name.

 But his tweet has not gone down well with Indian cricket fans. They ridiculed Michael Vaughan on twitter by calling him “Digvijay Singh of cricket”.

P.S : All facts in this article are made up but you already knew that, din’t you ?

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Faking Manipal

University to Introduce student friendly myPal Kiosk

All this will be a thing of the past. Source: The Manipal Journal

There is a new machine which will be  installed in the farthest lunch line in the cafeteria, called the myPal Kiosk. The name for this machine, is inspired by the name of  Manipal, and the new airtel ad ” har ek friend zaroori hota hai”.

  This machine allows money to be put into a student’s lunch account to make it quicker to purchase food and have enough time to eat. The myPal Kiosk accepts coins and cash, but no pennies. In order to put money in, it is required for the student to know their 9-digit student ID number.

Every time a student logs in, the machine will have a greeting by identifying his or her name. Once logged in, the machine only gives the individual only 30 seconds of idle time, until logging out of account. When finished, a receipt will print out confirming the amount of money in his or her account.

The line farthest to the right, will only accept money through myPal Kiosk. This will save time during lunches, approximately 40 minutes a day. In addition to the myPal Kiosk, the empty vending machine, that students pass by everyday during lunch, will finally be stocked with fresh food. These include milk, Chick-Fil-A sandwiches, vitamin water, and a variety of breakfast foods.

The Chief Warden for the  College Dorm said, “There have been many complaints regarding the time take to have a decent meal at the college food court. Hopefully these two machines will speed up the process of the lunches and lunch lines, so the students are able to enjoy their lunch without any rush.” However, he failed to inform on the exact date that the machine will be installed.

However, Nalith Lag, a second year student at the college was of the opinion that “It’s a waste of time and a way for the college to get your money.” Another student, Torna Sonse said , “I think it’s stupid because it can just take your money.”

P.S : All facts in this article are made up but you already knew that, didn’t you ?

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Faking Manipal

Engineer’s Day evokes strong response

World Sports Journalism Day
We Demand a World Sports Journalism Day!

Tired of seeing all the ‘Happy Engineer’s Day’ posts all over social media sites, students from various other streams felt left out and decided to have a day for their respective streams as well. One Manoj Tiwari (name changed on request) from a reputed communications colleg in Manipal, said ” Soon we will call for a meeting and decide on a day to celebrate ‘Mass Communication Day’ across India.”

Another student from the Dept. of Commerce, Ethan D’ silva (name changed on request) too felt the same. He said, “We are roughly 100 students in this college. But worldwide there are crores of people from the commerce background and doing better than their engineering counterparts. We too will call for a meeting and celebrate ‘Commerce Day’ in the coming days.”

In retaliation to this, an engineering from MIT, Swagnik Bhat (name changed again) said, “We are the minds behind all the convenience that this world is enjoying today. Just imagine a world without engineers. Can you? It would be just like Lady Gaga without all those Gaga around her or maybe Rakhi Sawant without the fuss or her fake accessories or Ekta Kapoor with her ‘K’ series. We deserve a day dedicated to us and we are proud to be an engineer.”

We are keenly awaiting further developments in this regard and expect fireworks in the days to come.

 

P.S : All facts in this article are made up but you already knew that, didn’t you ?

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Faking Manipal

MIT faculty vandalize students’ belongings

Broken Electronic Items of Students of 10th Block
Broken Electronic Items of Students of 10th Block

In what could be first ever instance of its kind in Manipal, a group of MIT faculty barged into the rooms of students and vandalized their belongings mercilessly. The incident happened in the evening hours of Monday at tenth block of MIT hostels.

The victims are the students who played truant during the third day(Saturday) of first sessionals. This is seen as retaliation from college after some students vandalized college property when there was power blackout on the Thursday night.

Students in the block watched helplessly as the faculty destroyed all their goods before them. Broken shards of electronic items like ipods,cameras,cell phones etc.. were seen strewn across the floor.

Vindicating the actions of faculty, chief warden of MIT hostels,said ,”These students mindlessly vandalized hostel property when there was power outage due to rain. This is not at all expected from students in a reputed institute like MIT. We want to teach a befitting lesson to them in their own language . So we are targeting students who bunked the exams even after having no power blackouts.We will also target those students who will score less than 60% in the exams conducted on Saturday.”

One of the Faculty on conditions of anonymity, said, “These students damaged the college property. Yet, they justify their behaviour on various prominent Blogs, by arguing that they are not criminals. Tell me, would you allow any drunk/distraught or troubled human being to visit your house and create a ruckus? Would you allow him to damage your home or property? Isn’t that a criminal act? “. He further added, “Look, we do not intend any harm to the students, but they have to realise they can’t get away with damaging college property!”

Earlier on thursday,some students in the tenth block went on a rampage as there was power outage due to rain because of which their preparation for the next day’s exam was disrupted for over three hours.The issue settled after acting chief Warden sprang into action and threatened the students with dire consequences.

 

Note: The author of this article condemns the mindless vandalism of his fellow students in strongest terms. He feels they should have maintained some restraint at that time.

P.S : All facts in this article are made up but you already knew that, didn’t you ? This Faking news item is a guest post, sent in to us via email. The Author wishes to remain anonymous.

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Faking Manipal

MIT student attributes his success to ION wireless

ION Internet for Success
Ion - Find Inspiration offline Now!

In what could be one of the rarest compliments from its users, ION wireless, which provides internet services for MU hostels, was commended by a  student of MIT for its ‘uninterrupted internet outage’ in his room .

Kahil Sumar, a student of MIT who got placed in Mahindra & Mahindra recently, attributed his success  in placements to ION wireless.

Speaking to Faking News section of ManipalBlog, he  said,”If it weren’t for ION’S uninterrupted internet outage, I wouldn’t have got placed  at all. The constant outage has provided me with ample time to focus on my academics as well as prepare for written tests and interviews. I am grateful to ION forever.”

As a gesture of gratitude,he  personally visited Innovation Center  in MIT and presented an ‘Aircel  portable 3G connection set’  to  Ms.Shilpa Shetty(name changed), the  ION representative in MIT. Her reaction to this gesture is unknown to us.

Kahil also called on and thanked Chief Warden of MIT Hostels, Dr.R.M. Pai for encouraging this unique service of ION. But Dr.Pai refused to take credit for this. Talking to Faking News section of ManipalBlog, he said, “I have just taken over the reins recently.I am very happy for the student. But this credit should entirely go to previous chief wardens.Yes,100 percent!!!”

After coming to know of this story,Senu Vomineni, a  self-proclaimed “Success Coach” and “inspirational  public speaker”, who was present in MIT  for  a workshop  congratulated the student and admired his positive thinking. He also presented his book “One book for  Life Success” to Kahil.

Not surprisingly, Kahil was spotted in the cyber café outside MIT at the time of writing this article.

 

P.S : All facts in this article are made up but you already knew that, didn’t you ? This Faking news item is a guest post, sent in to us via email. The Author wishes to remain anonymous.

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Faking Manipal

Manipal wakes up to Litres of Vomit!

In a shocking series of events today, the residents of Manipal woke up to streets filled with slimy liquid which is now being thought of to be aftermath of a night long vomit on the streets. Around 600 students who are visibly sick are now being held as suspects in their own respectivehostels as the Manipal Police Station doesn’t even have the room for its Station house manager , let alone anyone else.

Manipal Vomit
Slimy muck layering the so called “Roads” of Manipal.

“We couldn’t do it”said Gal Nathali a second year student at MIT.“We were supposed to hold it till the examination began but we lost control”.

“It seems like a yawning reflex which triggered the vomiting after students saw other students vomiting” said Markiv who seized this opportunity to find a topic for his PhD.

The Director of MIT who earlier refused to comment on the matter,sent a mail to ManipalBlog at admin@manipalblog.comstating that “Students are supposed to eat all the facts that they are given in the classroom and vomit specifically on the examination paper, if they fail to do so, we are not responsible for it. Its easy to point fingers at us but difficult to hold the vomit for another24 hours ?”

Complications arose on the streets when the teachers came out in the open with answer sheets trying to collect as much vomit as they canon the answer scripts which was met by widespread retaliation by the municipal committee workers who claimed<i”> “Filth is filth, there is no inferior filth in the streets and superior filth in the classroom so why do the teachers get this one”

Shiva Balath has predicted with the help of his weather forecasting system that Manipal can expect more of these events as the end semesters will approach soon and they are only going to be bigger and nastier.

P.S : All facts in this article are made up but you already knew that, didn’t you ?